Diva-licious

2009-01-16T13:33:00.003+08:00

My worst fears came.

Its so hard. So freaking hard.

Dear mama,

I miss you badly.

So bad that i cried every night.

Shit-ness, may the shit be with you.

2009-01-03T09:04:00.003+08:00

Let's meet up soon?

Like Sopi, I miss this bunch too.

Shall we organize something guys?

two oh oh nine

2009-01-01T12:19:00.003+08:00

It finally came and it conquered anyway.

Time, my fellow readers, awaits no one.

So let's just welcome it with open hands. read: me

2008 + 1

still, deeply i wished i could have held 2008 alit bit longer.

So i can prolonged the time i have with my mum.

I gtg now. I got lots to say actually.

Much Love,

Nadya

2008-12-29T11:24:00.002+08:00

back to work. but mind not at ease. kept thinking of momma.

sigh.

i rather be at home now.

Gotnuthingbettertodo

2008-12-27T22:36:00.002+08:00

2008-12-26T13:34:00.002+08:00

My blood just boiled.

In fact it's at the boiling point.

FUCKING LADY

SOAB.

called my home, introduce herself frm the HOSPICE.

FUCKING HOSPICE.

" may i know when your mum need the service?" was the first sentence afterwhich.

i was appalled of course upon hearing that. A hospice-service calling my home.

and i questioned her.

Her reply,

"OH hospital refer. Your mum last stage what"

There and then i just want to scream at her. If she was speaking face to face, i swear i would have boxed her dead.

ASS.

fucking call, with no emphaty somemore talk nochalantly.

2008-12-26T11:27:00.003+08:00

New year is just around the corner.

Im not dreading for it to come, just that i want to stretch it lil bit longer to be mentally and physically prepared for the year ahead.

This year seem to fly within a bat of an eyelid.

Wow. Few months back i was whining when the year would come to end.ironically, now that its coming, aint looking forward for it at all.

how are you guys spending your new year?

Im gonna take care of mommy. Simple affaire but worth the time.

2008-12-24T14:00:00.002+08:00

I miss going out. i miss having fun. i miss being carefree.

i miss shopping. i miss laughter. i miss hugs and kisses.

i miss bubble tea sessions.

I miss

ME

Her 22nd Birthday!

2008-12-23T10:17:00.003+08:00

Dear Nani Martini the

fashionista,

May you be young at heart always!

Happy 22nd Birthday Darling!

Get well soon~!

2008-12-23T09:10:00.002+08:00

Last few day has been very overwhelming. Too overwhelming that i caught with a flu while taking care of dearest mum. And only now i got the chance to be at home more than 24 hrs.

Defination of friendship:

"Friendship is the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words."

Dear friends,

this entry is dedicated to you. It's been days, i know, i should have thanked you guys earlier, but i had not much time. Time was allocated for my mum. So now, this is the opportunity.

Dear Shitness, Thank you for being there for me. Without hesitation to come down to the hospital upon knowing that my mum was admitted to the hospital. I'm touched nevertheless for you guys to make the effort. It is time like this, that i know you guys are friends for life.

To shaz: thank you for the video post. Thank you for the encouraging words you sms me everyday asking how i'm doing.

To aisha: Thank you for informing them of my mum. Thank you for lending me your shoulder and telling me to be strong when im not.

To Hid: It's been a while since i met you. The hug that you gave was uber comforting.

To Nani: Nani, thank you for staying a while longer, holding my hand and sharing your thought in the early morning. I cried reading your msgs, for the thoughts you had touches me, really.

To Barney: Thank you for your endless support. For hugging me and telling that ill still have you.

To Reena : Thanks for coming down babe. *Smiles*

To Yati: Yati, thank you so much for coming for two days tho i know you have a busy schedule. Thanks for the kisses, i need it so much.

To Masline: I miss you so much, and i'm glad you made the effort to see my mum.

To my two lovely guy friends, SOPI and FARID: you both are the best guy friends i had. Sopi, it was never an issue when you said that,i know you meant well ok sis. And Farid, you were the first to call me back when my mum was admitted to the hosp. Thank you for accompanying me on the phone, rushing from work to see my mum.

Last but not least,

MY BESTFRIEND, ENAH.

I cant thank you enough. you are a miricle to me. you were there thru thick and thin. i couldnt help but cry to see you come early and go back night just so to give me emotional support to me. You helped me with the household at home. You bought food just so i will eat. And you never fail to make me laugh. How could i ask for more? Dear enah, i love you so much and i hope you will stick by me. Thank you enah. Thank you.

Dear friends....

2008-12-17T10:45:00.001+08:00

2008-12-16T09:31:00.002+08:00

This morning, 8am.

"Kakak, urut mama sampai lelap ok. Jgn tinggalkan mama"

And i look away,tyrping hard not to weep,which obviously failed.Tears streaming coming down, hands caressly massaging my mum till she stopped moaning in pain.

Dear god, i shall not be selfish. I would rather you take my mum peacefully than to see my mum suffer in pain.

And i know now the true meaning,

"IF you truly love someone, sometimes you have to let them go"

2008-12-15T20:34:00.001+08:00

If you wanna start judging me on how i live my life, that's pretty sad. Because there's more to me than meets the eye.

Shitty

2008-12-13T16:04:00.002+08:00

Shitty.

feeling fucking shitty.

i want out.

fuck. i wish i could get off this country and just start brand new.

fuck everything.

i just wanna break down.

even the impulse shopping and zouking doesnt make me feel better at all.

argh. fuck laa.

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

ive got no one to turn too.

2008-12-13T00:47:00.002+08:00

I think i did a brave thing today.

I went out shopping alone. *Roll eyes* Yes yes, i know, nothing brave what you might say.
Neighbourhood area, ok

TOWN? ON A FRIDAY?

It took me a whole of courage to go ahead with my determined plan to hit the MANGO sales. Since yesterday was particularly a failed attempt to go town. Initially a fren agreed to go with me, then at 5 msg-ed me saying that she had to work overtime. For a while i was breathing hard, dissapointed. Bestie went out on date, so i cant bug her. Called Shaz, first said ok then cancelled on me. Msg Sopi, no reply.

For the sake of a SALE, friend or no friend, i was that determined to hit town. MANGO sale was on at 50%. How on earth could i close an eye or two (no pun intended) and forgo Orchard. So, what's a girl to do?

anyway, i ended up with high waisted pants from F21 and shoe!from zara.

Zilth - zero - kosong - yillek from MANGO.

Coz apperently MANGO dissapoint me big time.

Trust me, it's not worth going.

Afterwhich met up with Nana for awhile.

Then head to mit Aisha at her store. Had to wait for her to do closing. Ended up with nothing. No cakes, no drinks! (Aisha, i want the next time round!!) because that Mak nenek was rushing for time.

Oh well.

Anyway, i just realise i did a narrative composition. And i really really suck at it.

Need to work on it.

2008-12-12T11:15:00.002+08:00

My dearest sopi aka sister aka gaywat is in loveeeeeeeee.

hehehehehe.

pls let this be permanent okay hunney.

story telling soon with me.

Zoukout is tomorrow and ive yet decided on what to wear. NANI HELP ME!

I'm having a fashion disaster. Boohoooooooooo.

And guys pls have conference on tml meeting!

Oh btw, i've turned lesbian.

My gf is shazzie.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA.

ok ok, kidding.

TGIF, relax yawwww.

2008-12-11T10:29:00.003+08:00

As you can see,

CBOX is up. That means i'll blog frequently.

Frequent blog updates = lotsa time to waste = no social life

vise versa

Since the lot of us are either on hiatus, hibernation or whatnots mode, i'll take this opportunity to take a step back too and spend more time for muaself.

Few month back i thought of spending my the last days of the year with friends having the time of my life, enjoying single moment. Or so i thought. Now, hmmmmm, i don't know, we'll see it my year will end up.

Anyway, i miss this bunch lots.

We're not RIP yet are we?

2008-12-10T20:20:00.002+08:00

im listening to aerosmith song- armegeddon as im typing this. Level six- carpark a totally last minute, randon meetup with shazzie.

As im typing away, she's browsing the newspaper, classified jobs, earnestly. Wonder when's mine turn to come. Come this March, i'm that determine to tender mine. Yet the insecurity feeling immerse. What if i don't get the job that i want? My future's so blunt that i wish i could turn back time to be a small little kid, with no worries of survival.

My ambition changes as fast as a chemeleon changes it's colour that my head trobs. Whenever i slump onto bed at night, the mind drifts and question after question pops up. It's dampening that i don't have a secured future. Not that i don't have now, i needed something more. It comes down to the money.....and fame. I thirst for fame. I, for one, wants to be known for the things i do. One thing i know, as i kid, ive always yearn to someone famous. Cliche as it may sounds, thoughout the years, yes, im always known. But for wrong reasons that it.

I need to sort out my life soon. Don't ask me to soul search.A soul searching would not do any good.

Life, oh, life.

Why does it get any complicated?

Let's play pretend.

2008-12-10T10:46:00.002+08:00

Shall we?

It suddenly falters me that the world is full of drama. We are own puppets. We mask ourself only to please others.

It's never gonna be the same again.

Just when i thought there's such thing as friendship, the table turns and i'm back to square one.

you will never ever learn your lesson, nadya, never.

2008-12-08T19:56:00.002+08:00

Dear god,

why must good things come to an end? why do you give and suddenly you took it away from me? Was i adamant to you?

Did i lose my head that you took it away from me to make me realise, to tap on my shoulder that it's you i should seek serenity from?

Why must we let go of a beautiful friendship?

Why?

2008-11-03T22:54:00.002+08:00

Dear diary,

today i shall hold no bars in penning what i feel. Raw and uneditted, i shall let my finger type freely, what ever my heart says.

As of lately, i have not been a good daughter to my dearest mum. I have been out of the house early in the morning only to come home late at night. Why am i out, when my mum needs me the most? Because i am simply in denial. I do not want to face the fact that i might lose my mum anytime soon. With the objective to become numb to undesired emotions. I was tired of crying, so i acted like there's nothing wrong, i laugh my ass away, just like a happy person.

Now, it's killing me. I want to hit myself. Slap myself for doing this selfish act. Aku mmg dasar anak derhaka.

Mama,

From head to toe, i beg for forgiveness. You were there for me all this while, and yet, when you need me the most,i left you laying there in pain. Ma, trust me, the reason y i deprive myself from you was because, it hurts me so much, that i cry silently at night seeing your state. When i massage you, i tried so hard, so hard mama, not to cry infront of you because you wanted me to put a brave front, because you taught me that for every human being who lives, will eventually leave. That mama, i could not face. And by that, i took the easy way out, by detaching myself from you. So that i would not fall into depression.

Ma, i love you with all my heart. Everytime i kiss your hand, i could not look bear to look into your eyes, for the fear breaking down infront of you. What would i do? The only thing i could do now is to be ignorant of the fact that your cancer relapses and that it has gone worse. Everyday i would rehearse myself in front of the mirror to smile/laugh as per norm.

I am indeed selfish mama.

So from now i would devote myself to you. I would be home to be there for you, sleep lightly so that i can wake up and staight go to your room when i hear you moan in pain.

I'm sorry.

To friends,

I might go on a hiatus.

To you,
I'm sorry that if you think that i hurt your feelings. Honestly till now i do not know where i went wrong.I counld only assume. But my dear, assuming will only bring negative vibes and i do not wish to strain our friendship. I wish you could open up to me. It hurts me alot, but i for now, i shall not let that strain me. I have enough problems to handle, and i don't think i could handle anything more.

2008-10-24T09:37:00.001+08:00

Dear Friend, what's on your mindYou don’t laugh the way you used toBut I've noticed how you cryDear friend, I feel so helplessI see you sit in silenceAs you face new pain each dayI feel there’s nothing I can doI know you don’t feel prettyEven though you areBut it wasn’t your beautyThat found room in my heartDear friend, you are so precious Dear FriendDear friend, I'm here for youI know that you don’t talk too muchBut we can share this day anewDear Friend, please don’t feel like you're aloneThere is someone who is prayingPraying for your peace of mindHoping joy is what you'll findI know you don’t feel weakEven though you areBut it wasn’t your strengthThat found room in my heartDear friend, you are so precious, Dear Friend

2008-10-18T19:59:00.002+08:00

IIponder,

Now i'm at bestie's place, typing this entry. Hmm, lets see what should i ponder about this time round.

Everytime i log in to blogger, i have nuthing else to rant about other than ranting about life. Life to me now seems vague. I don't see where i will be in 10 years to come. It is ok to feel this way? It is ok bestie. I envy my bestie. Her life as it seems is an alter ego. Far breezy from mine. She know what's best for her, pioritize what's important,whats not, and in years to come she will be a successful nurse.

Me? I lead a too carefree life that now my life is jumbled up.Messed. I'm in a state of confusion. I don't know what i wanna be,really. I'm scared to death. Again, is there anyone out there have in the same shoes as mine?

I had an intriguing talk with Nani yesterday, and i confessed to her about the plight that i am in. Relief, i am not alone after all. Even her, has her insecurities of what the future holds for her.

I am not confident of the future. I always dreamnt of being a successful,popular person, and contarary to that, look at me now. I am still finding my own identity.

Sigh. When all this qns will end?

They say time will tell all.

Bah.

I'm running out of time. Time is catching up on me.

Dear God

2008-10-14T09:47:00.001+08:00

Dear GOD,

IF you can't make me skinny, pls make my friends fat.

AND PLS TRANSFORM MY EYES LIKE FARID'S.

Thank you very nice.

2008-10-11T10:14:00.001+08:00

hmmmmm. SITI INGIN MENGUCAPKAN TERIMA KASIH KEPADA ABAH,MAK TERCINTA. TAK TERLUPA ABANG MISAI I.

SEKIAN,
TERIMA KASIH.

ASSALAMUALAIKUM WARAHMATULLAH HIWABARAKATU.

2008-10-10T01:06:00.003+08:00

I like one liners. It's short,simple. And the best thing i like is that you keep your readers guessing. Only you know what it's all about. I say one liners lines a thousand thoughts.

Teehee.

Goodnight ya'll.

Here's my one liner before i go.

To you, i think i'm game enough for your game. Let's play and we'll see who will have the last laugh.

=)
Karma's a bitch, revenge is sweet.

Teeheee.

Love,
Nadya.

2008-10-08T17:08:00.002+08:00

My Horoscope reading for the day:

Aquarius:

8 Oct 08

An attractive acquantaince might be interested if you took time to notice. It's easy to spot flirting if you know what to look out for.

Pierre Andre, have you heard me?

As much as i wish it is true, truth behold, reality bites deeper then what we wish for.

Oh well Nadya, keep on dreaming.

2008-10-08T00:47:00.003+08:00

When two person sit down and talk? What do they commonly talk about?

None other then.....

Life and Love.

Touche.

yet the most interesting topic to talk about.

Especially love. Love.

What is love? Love is any of a number of emotion and experiences related to a sense of strong affection. Love for family, love for friends, love for god..ect. But what kind of love affects us most? The one which suddenly make us a totally different person, which bring both positive and negative aura all at one go?Which makes our blood aderaline rush,butterfly in the stomach?

Well ladies and gentleman, we all know the answer. Regardless of our orientation, the deep, ineffable feeling of tenderly caring for another person is the most powerfull yet dangerous at one go.

They say love is blind.

I beg to differ. I was sharing with Barney, with the past experience, I came with my own quote.

"Love my friend, is not blind. It is us, who is blinded by the true meaning of love"

It's because that we fail to see the flaws of our partner, that we willingly become the victim of love. We constantly forgive the partner, in hope he/she will change for the better. See, how love desroy you. Ironically, yet, we still yearn for the affection of love.

My past post, as mentioned. I have fall in and out of love. I went thru some bitter experience and since then, never had i wanted to fall into one again. Yet, at the same time, i wallow in self pity, wanting to feel over again what love is all about.

My mum, shared her perspective on love, and afterwhich, i pondered and even made me determined that i should just chuck it aside, at this moment of time.

I was wailing and crying so hard, when she was so sickly. That i thought of the worse that she would leave my family anytime soon. She's the one who had cancer, and im the one acting like i had one.

With her calm and suave attitude, what my mum said hit me real hard.

"Kakak, human love is temporary, never lasting. Never yearn for it. Never hope for it. It is god's love which is everlasting. To him we come, to him we go. Why search, yearn and depend on human's love when it doesnt last? Why search so far, when god's love lies in your heart?"

With that, she smiled and wiped my tears.

2008-07-10T22:49:00.004+08:00

Oh, hello!

It has been a while is'nt it? The interest of blogging just fades day by day, and funnily today- tonight to be exact, i decided to pen something down. A hardcore procastinator, after one month of delaying, here's some 2 cents worth of words.

I stumbled across an old friend's friendster and i saw tons of pictures of my exs. Heart stopped. Palms sweaty.

That's the exact reaction i had. Vision gets fuzzy as i flashback the memories i had with him. Bittersweet. My 2nd serious bf,my first lover.

Up till now he keeps in touch with mom. I don't get his motive. Tell me, he keeps in touch with your mum,but never with you? Hmmm, incest?
With my mum? *chuckles*

I never thought of getting back with him. Never, until i saw him far,by chance with another girl. Only god knows how i wanted to cry on the spot. It's been what 4 years? The flame lingers on? I don't know. Happenings around me made me a skeptic. I became a self proclaim feminist. After being single for slightly more that 2 years, i decided, i dont need men(pardon the pun) to keep. I am independent on my own. And i am happy with it. Yes,true, sometimes i whine and whine to friends that i want a bf to call my own. But only to the extend of that. Whine only. Action only.

Anyway, im talking more craps. Have no idea what im typing too.

Calllooo betti.

2008-06-12T23:49:00.003+08:00

They say,

Keep your friends close,

BUT KEEP your ENEMIES CLOSER.

I am sure living up to the statement.

I'm keeping her so close under my wing. Karma really hit you back hard this time round is'nt it bitch? Now you are acting oh-so-nice, don't think i don't know your game.

It's such a pity for someone who head a headscarfe actually has a hyprocrite personality. I din't want to stereotype, but you, put shame to your own kind.

You want me to still play by your game?

I'll turn the tables around ok?

Specially for you.

Taa~

2008-02-29T18:56:00.003+08:00

Dear Diary,

I have to much to say/rant about that my head trobs and my hand shivered(that bad!) trying to sort out the pieces of thoughts i have.

It happens all the time,hence the less frequent reason of not blogging. Funnily it flows out easily like water when i playing with my own thoughts.

Does it happen to you blogger out there at many a times, or it isst just me who have lost the flare in writing?

I remember those old good days, when blog have yet to exist or have yet become popular, i used to have a dairy when i pen all my thoughts.

Reading back, i laugh, smiled, winched at the rawness of my writing, the truest form of emotion i poured in. It was so real, raw and true straight from the heart.

So what difference does it make here?

Issit because i thought so hard trying to please others who chance upon this blog?
I have no idea.

2008-02-09T00:23:00.000+08:00

Goodbye dear blog.

Im gonna close you down. Im gonna start a new chapter come 18th.

Rejuvenating myself to a wholesome new me.

Come 18th is my 1st year to having this blog.

And the last of this blog.

Goodbye for now.

2007-12-14T06:41:00.001+08:00

Breath nadya breath.

I'm having the time of my life.

It's a good thing.

Note to self

2007-12-11T22:14:00.001+08:00

I think i'm going into another phase of life. And funny as it seems, that now i'm starting to be more recipient to learn and hungrily and desperately want to own.

Not to long ago, i hate the idea of living abroad. There's no other place where i would like other than Singapore to call my home.

Not to long ago, i don't even flinch at the sight of diamonds morever to hear.

Not to long ago, i hate being overseas more then a fortnight. More, and ill cry to sleep,wanting to back home.

Not long ago, i hate socialising foreign aquantance, for i fear then look down upon me.

Now take that. I'm eating back all my words. HAH!

I'm beginning to take in consideration of living on my own, abroad away from my family, proudly living independantly.

Diamonds now becomes an envy, somthing ill kill to have for.

Travelling, learning other cultures, getting myself aquanted with people from the other side of the world.

I don't have any specific answer to what causes the change, but i secretly believe it's the influence of the people around me.

2007-12-07T21:04:00.000+08:00

Or so i've heard.

So now what? You are unhappy with me? Claiming that im boastful and like to show off?

I just chuckle at your statement.

I tried recalling, at which i have boasted about knowing it all.

If i know it all, i wount' have ask for opinions.

If i-know-it-all, i don't give a freaking two cents of your say.

It's such a pity, that you mistaken me sharing my knowledge with you,what ive learnt in school,as showing off.

Really, i just shook my head in dismay. Ive been misunderstood.

I have my flaws. But don't forget, you have your flaws too. .Honestly, it's pretty irritating to have to remind you over and over again. Its just so human to ask.But then, constantly reminding myself,I did my level best, keeping my cool especially when you made yourself clear over msn, that you want me to stop asking you this and that? I thank you for that feedback and i work on it. Then again,how long can my patience run, if you keep on tramping on me? It works both ways isnt it. If you made a point to remember, i dont have to ask. and now when i ask nicely, you gave me a face, like i don't deserve to ask? What are you trying to tell me?

We used to work together pretty well, until...i don't know. I don't know what happen.I am that lost . It's sad that u see me that way.

I remembered then, i shared with you, if there's any problem arising, talk to me. I am liberal to take critism and feedback. At least i know, if ive been stepping on your shoes. But sadly, nope. You din't. You chose to talk behind my back.

I tried to talk to you, but you avoid it. So it's your lost.

You want to despise me? I am nobody to stop you feeling that way darla. I'm still working on my flaws, and i admit that sometimes, i forget and tend to go overboard.

I'm not gonna that this matter whole heartedly personally. It's a good feedback that i should work on and hopefully it can be avoided the next time.
And though at first it hurts, i'm don't wish to dwell on it.

Loving you forever and ever?

2007-11-30T01:33:00.000+08:00

Blueghhhhhh.

Oh pls. (rolls eyes)

I could nt help myself but chuckle when i see people confessing of their love towards their partner. Loving you forever is definately overrated, especially with nowdays relationship. Will you love still love that person forever once they've become the ex? Will you still love the person forever when you start loving somebody else?

Touche.

Nope, i'm not saying such, out of pure jealousy. Personally ive been in and out of love. I've taste what love is, is ive learn the hard truth.I've learnt no matter how deeply in love i am with my partner, i avoid paraphrasing 'forever'. Its such a sacred word, and once it becomes cliche, it becomes...meaningless.

Afterall, a marriage can end up in a divorce.

And unless, i guess, you can predict the future, that he is the one,

pls, avoid saying forever.

2007-11-28T12:48:00.000+08:00

I came across this, and i decided to post it here. At this moment, this is the best remedy for me. Reading such, at least gives me a glimps of hope that, the is still more to look out for in life. I've decided that dwelling on negativity would not do me any good anyway. I need to curb this habit of mine, harping on what had happen, will just not pull up my self esteem. A friend of mine, post a very quotable qoute which,i personally find ironic..well for me that is.

"If you want a happy life, tie it to a goal, not not people or things"
And as much as i agree to the quote, i must disgress abit. I, all along make myself happy, or the least give consolation to myself but making comparision with other people. Like example, when i am having a teribble time, i randomly thought of people whom share the same fate as me, or if not worser than mine. For this, it made me feel better, tho it's not a lasting one. It's like taking a pain killer, it numbs you for a couple of hours, and slowing the pain starts to creep in.

Anyway, ive cut and paste this, hoping it gives a little bit of light to me. For nearly 20 years i've been holding myself back, the never endless grudges, hating every bit of my life. Such negativity dwells within me, that trying to look at things on the brighter side, seems tad too much for me.

Well, nuthing beats from trying anyway. It's better to start now, then later. =)

POSITIVE THINKING Some Ideas to get you started... 1. At school or work associate with positive people 2. In every class, ask a question 3. Keep a list of your long term and short term goals 4. Do a good deed for someone every day 5. Smile So how do you think positive? It takes practice.

Here are a couple of things to remember.. 1. What we think of ourselves is more important than what others think of us 2. Experience is not what happens to us it is how we deal with it 3. Happiness is the one thing you can give without having 4. You are individual and there is nobody else like you 5. Dont be afraid to smile or laugh 6. Dont be afraid to ask for help when you need it 7. Be proud of who and what you are 8. A cheerfull thought can drive away a skyfull of clouds 9. A happy heart beats longest 10. You are not alone

Horoscope

2007-11-20T21:52:00.000+08:00

Ever read the newspaper and subconsiously you flip to the horoscope section? Or wait, you are fully aware, and the first thing you do is to look out for horoscope?

Well then, welcome to the club.

I always have a love-hate relationship with it.

Love because i can at least anticipate what the future holds for me (for some i believe are soo fake, which i dutifully give it a passe and try to believe it anyway.

Hate because, the aftermath mood changes automatically depending on the negativity or positivity of the horoscope of the day.

2007-11-14T19:05:00.000+08:00

The time of the month is coming up again and im starting to feel blah.

My emotions starts to play roller coaster adn at this moment i feel bitchy, upset, angry, dissapointed and anything along the line.

At ONE GO.

All the negative aura.

I'm beginning to wonder why i have more negative vibe than those positive ones.

Guys make me sick. Sick Sick Sick.

arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

See i told you i should not have met any person from the virtual world. It will just destroy the facade that ive created with the person. But why does it have to end that way? I was just looking for friendship anyway.

Ahhhh, forget about it.

2007-11-08T15:40:00.001+08:00

Aquarius (Jan 20 - Feb 18)[?]
The Bottom Line
Life is not a race, it's an experience. Don't rush around -- just take your time.
In Detail
Life is not a race, it's an experience. There is no need to rush around from one adventure to another, trying to fill your days with action! Today, stop your engines and cool your jets ... because if you don't, you could be missing out on something subtle but wonderful in your life. Someone has been desperately trying to get your attention, but you have been so busy focusing on other things that you haven't slowed down to notice them. Don't make that mistake again today.

*How i wish i know who that person be*

2007-10-19T13:58:00.000+08:00

Alot of things have been happening in my life. And yet ive not state in this blog for memory sake.

Wait, before i go one blabbering.Lemme side track abit.

ARGGHHHHH.

I have butterflies in my stomach.

TO THE CORE.

I cant pinpoint.

It's in between the performance im gonna have for my DND and umm sumthing. I badly want to jot it down here, but i guess im a scary cat when it comes to penning something deep down frm my heart.

Well that's because nuthing is ever concrete, and it's always the case when i start ranting on and on, things don't happen. Like it's jinx to talk about it you know. But that's not the case.

I had too high hopes. And that when it doesnt work out, I get utterly dissapointed. For now, i guess ill just keep it to myself.

Ok.*Get back on track*

OH SHIT. I CANT FUCKING WRITE.
I JUST TO JIBBERY TO EVEN WRITE ANYTHING

Save the last dance for me!

2007-09-28T06:04:00.000+08:00

I am watching Micheal Buble on Youtube now.

He made me smile sheepishly.

Just like a girl who's shy having to look in the eye of her crush.

Je'taime.

Your sexiness is soooo effortless Buble.

Ahhhh..... I'm swoon.

8 is the lucky number

2007-09-14T21:51:00.000+08:00

The Rulez:1) Each blogger must post these rules, first.2) Each blogger starts with with eight random facts/ habits about themselves3) Bloggers that are tagged need to write on their own blog about eight things and post these rules. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.4) Don't forget to leave them a comment telling them they're tagged, and to read your blog.

1) First impression works best for me. If i am comfortable with you, i will be very sociable. If i don't, pls get the hint.

2) I don't like cleaning my room. But i am totally the opposite at work!

3)I love red,yellow and green.

4) Many think i'm arrogant. Know me, and i'm actually good and nice at heart.

5) People laugh when i tell them i want to be a social worker and that i do volunterring.

6) I get excited and bored over things at a short period of time.

7) I am easily contented at heart.

8) I have the deepest secret where i swear i will never tell anybody

Who to tagged:

Let me think over it first.

The Serenity i've always yearn for.

2007-09-13T20:32:00.000+08:00

I was looking forward so much for Ramadan and am still.

I always never manage to complete my Ramadan for the past years mainly because i could'nt help to abstain myself from the hunger pangs.

This time round tho, it feels different. I've made a ramadan resolution that is to complete finishing my puasa, and i felt proud of that one day have past like a breeze. Really, i feel so serene and for once ive never felt happy this much. I was proud, coz altho justone day have past, ive made it without thinking much of the hunger and thirst. And simply after that, i feel like a brand new person.

I cried "Alhamdullilah" the moment the azan commences many atimes. I smiled and suprisingly i felt my heart too smile feeling proud.

God, i never felt nearer to you.

And Ramadan sure made me fall hard for you.

2007-09-12T23:04:00.000+08:00

Today i had a very good laugh with my best girlfriend. We laugh and reminisces those time when we were still working at a fast food outlets the the uber fun times we had together. Oh how i teribbly miss those times.

Zainah and Masline. I miss those times. Do you?

Lets have a girls day out again!

2007-09-11T21:43:00.000+08:00

Honestly, i have no idea of what to update of.
Haha, just now when i was waiting to log in to blogger, i was trying hard to think of what i should update about, and funnily or sadly i say, nuthing. I mean, nuthing fanciful.

Haha, i don't know but i was really trying to crack my head and then i told myself, oh lets just be honest and blog that i have nuthing to blog about!!

HAHAHA. i really sound lame but i just feel the need to update, at least to let those who even cared to read know i'm still alive and kicking.

Maybe i should rant about my personal life. WEll guess what, i still have a crush on him. Yup. Amazingly true. Even when we are not keeping in touch at all. I do think of him and presently at the moment only him i can think of dating with. I don't know why he has such strong bonafide which i am strongly attracted too. Maybe the fact that i have not redirect my attention to somebody else that i am still thinking of him. Ahhh, i am just in a denial. Accept the fact that he's not at all interested in me and the fact that..hmmm i'm not his type.

Oh lately, ive been feeling very sporty. I wanted to do anything with sports. Like tennis. Like water skiing. Like anything under the sun!

Holy September

2007-09-01T22:35:00.000+08:00

Let's pray that Sept is a month for me.

Forget July.

I'm not gonna hold any grudges.

Love.

Why do all good things come to an end.

2007-08-26T21:33:00.000+08:00

I'm a strong believer in karma,

Why you ask me? Because im going thru the phase right now, and believe me it's not a phase where i enjoy it thoroughly at all.

All those bad karma coming slapping amd slamming right thru my fae right after one another. I believe god is just fair. I came up with this theory in order to turn over a new leave, you will go thru painful obstacle. Well in another words, its payback time. You, now become the victim of the bad sins you have done in the past. I say, have a taste of your own medicine.

In all my life, it was not at all a rosy and dainty ever since i was 13. As a teenager i grew up fighthing for my rights. My freedom. I got it all right, but in return i became this nasty person which i later realise made many people despise me which of cause includes my own siblings.

There are of cause alot of factors imput in which i wount go in detail. I became nasty simply not because i wanted too, but circumstances made me too. My father was one of the main reason. Again, i wount go into details.

I was born an intelligent person. But i threw many opportunities away. My life, if only i have straightned it out long ago, i would be in uni instead of struggling, working and studying at the same time out of my own pocket money.

I've stopped playing the blame game. I have only myself to blame.

Dear god,

Right now, what ever obstacle you gave me, i just wish you are right here with me to guide me thru. To give me the will power to go on and face the world optimisticly. I longed to be happy.

It's been such a long time since i have been happy. I know you will give me happiness. Time? Patience is running out.

2007-08-25T18:10:00.000+08:00

I wasnt having any emotional dyfunct when i wrote the last post. It was simply down deep from my heart.

Clear cut, i am utterly dissapointed with my own family. I know back then i did many wrong, many wrong that they simply lost the trust in me, disrespect me especially my siblings. Even then, what happen to clearing grudges? Leaving the past and try to know me as the present? the problem is, no! No matter what i did, im under scrutinity and always judged negatively on every action i give.

I give up. Not giving up on myself, but give up making up to my family. I tried so much to hold back my temper, and when it flares, the only conclusion they jump on? Oh im still that old Nadya.

Stop it! I had enough. I cried to my sleep. I cried when i did my daily jog. I cried to Allah. I wanted to be strong for myself. Be selfish and put up a brave front, then again who am i kidding? I am still alone. I am not happy being so.

I keep to myself, refraining to talking terms to my family. I asked myself is this the last resort. It certainly wasnt but i let myself follow my delusion. At this moment, my heart truly ached especially thinking of my brother.

Damn him. Really damn him. I not gonna stoop low like you. I'm not going to infest my blog with cursing and swearing over the emotional and physical damage you have done to me. Nope, been there done that. I am soo over such actions. I rather keep to myself now, then have big arguments with the family.

2007-08-23T22:02:00.000+08:00

I am going to stand up head high even you are constantly throwing negative remarks, cursing and swearing at me.

Tears will flow. yes it will. but that is not a sign of my weakness.

I will prove to you that i'm strong to stand up on my two feet,
even when you are telling everybody that i am a loser.

I don't care if you don't give a chance to know me deep down.

That i am a nice person at heart,

tho i don't show much at home.

I simply don't care anymore.

I may not have you, my own flesh and blood as my first support.

But i strongly belief that god is fair.

God,

I put my faith in you.

So brother.

Carry on with what you are doing.

Coz it made me a wiser person, to know how cruel life is.

With absolutely no one to turn to,

even with your own family turn you down.

It's ok.

I will console myself.

"Nadya, i love you.

Love yourself nadya."

=) =) =)

Eh, HI! HELLO, SAWADIKARPPP

2007-08-11T18:20:00.001+08:00

I have not been updating much.

Ermm, i dunno what to update, ive lost touch of how to blog.

Wait,

Is there a system or guideline to blog in the first place?

HAH!

OK i seriously don't know what to blog,

I off for my daily jog.

Speaking of which. I have so far succeded in running without taking a break.

HAIL TO ME!

I am dead serious about losing weight. I have not seen any changes. But friends do. HO HO

I am fucking happy lor!

OK BYE!

I can't sleep =,(

2007-07-26T00:43:00.000+08:00

Two days ago i was awake at this time because of my cramp. Today? Should i start sighing? Sigh, oh ok, there you go, miss persimmist just sighed.

I was initially sleeping. Then i start having weird dreams about work. I can't remember vaguely now, but i know it's about work. And then i start tossing round because i remembered trying to get rid of the dream. And i clearly failed.

So i opened my eyes slowly. Forcing my brain to function normally before i reach out to look at the clock on my handphone.

I was hoping it was already 5am.

But, no, to my utter suprise.

*squinting eyes in darkness*

12.15am

OH GREAT! JUST FUCKING GREAT!

my dream felt like eternity.

my body ached from the damn dream.( i was willing to admit tho it might secretly be my pillow which is causing the neck ache)

and its just 12am???????

SHOULD I SIGH ANYMORE?

The next thing i know, i switched on the com, and now sitting in front to pass the time till i'm really sleepy. Because i know myself. I can't sleep and wount sleep after waking up. (it takes a long time for me to get sleepy again)

and also, i'm a scarey cat. yes. i hate to pass time on my bed, eyes wide open. tossing and turning trying to sleep, because that's the time scary thoughts will fill me up.

Laugh all you can, but yours truly still believes in supernatural.

Speaking of which, i woke up automatically to get out of the room , because, i don't wish to start imagining a kakak beside me. And trust me about imagining. My eyes will start forming the imaginative kakak i created in my head, and the eye will start playing tricks on me.

Oh, that's the last thing i want to see!

Good thing my brother just reached home now and watching the tv. I feel much better.

Yikes.

Raw. Just raw

2007-07-25T19:56:00.000+08:00

Sometimes i just wish i could work day and night and don't need fret about going home.
Right now, I hate being at home. I use to find going work draggy, but now I FIND GOIN HOME IS MUCH DRAGGIER. Not that i don't want to be at home, but i feel at work now i feel much happier. Put aside the chaos my trainees are giving me, at least they still put a smile on my face at the end of the day. HOME? Urghhh.

I don't even want to talk about it. I know this sounds raw, but i'm just...haiz, not happy at home. Oh this is the 3rd time im repeating it. See, it gets this bad. I thought PMS is over, and this emotional turbulance would too go away, but it has been years i have this thought/feeling in me.

I tried so hard. So hard that i'm emotionally drained out. Sometimes, every night i cry myself to sleep. I think so hard, so hard that my brain is gonna burst any time soon. Is everything my fault? Am i scrutinize for my bad rebellion past? Am i wrong to feel insecure?

Why do you have to keep repeatedly say that i always buruk sangka mama? Why?

Am i wrong to voice out my opinion? Do i have no feelings for telling you what i dislike?

Sigh.

Don't get me wrong.

I love my mama alot.

I wish she knows that.

And i wish she could stop saying all that and just tell me that she will try to understand.

Just try.

That's all i want.

no

I need

12am in the morning

2007-07-23T00:46:00.000+08:00

And i am yet in my bed, sleeping, rejuvenating for a long day tomorrow.

Instead i am hogging in front of the computer, trying to pen down all the ramdom thoughts i have in my head.

And silently hoping that my PMS cramp would affect me at work tomorrow.

Well truth is, I slept from 4 pm in the afternoon just now and woke up just after 10 because of the damn cramp. I forced myself to sleep so i wount think and feel so much of the cramp. And truth is, i'm surfing now is not because i can't sleep but not to focus much yet again on the damn cramp. Its really getting on my nerves.

Oh, i fought with the mother just now. All because of my money. I woke up, went out of the room, still groggy. And my mum nochalantly telling me, I have left only this much with her. I practically blew my top simply because i suppose to have $50 bucks more. I was fuming because she insisted i took $70 instead of $20. But what the hell would i need so much money?? All pin point down that fact that my wallet was with my friend.

If only my wallet was with me it' wount have happen

If only i don't need to go yest, i don't need to use the money.

If only'ss.

I wount be fuming and thus the quarrall.

I can't hold back the tears. I was on the top of my voice and so is my mum.
Would like to blame the PMS, but im sick of the blaming game.

Now that i have simmer down,

I wish i could have just slept all thru the day.

And handle the shit in the morn.

But then again,

Knowing myself, it would have practically ruin my day.

I want to hate my life at this moment. But i think it's simply inappropriate just because of this.

I'm suppose to love myself.

Oh yes. I gettit

Pictures are never too late

2007-07-22T09:14:00.000+08:00

2007-07-21T20:11:00.000+08:00

Suddenly i find Marroon 5 very appealing. Adam's the lead singer and HE is EXTREMLY SEXY. He sure turn me on!

Forget wentworth miller,

Adam's the new sex appeal.

The mesmerising eyes.

The thin wisp lips.

The chihselled face.

Oh i better stop

2007-07-18T22:54:00.000+08:00

Funny how i miss many people in my life,

Yet i feel un bothered to make a point to call, sms, or even msn-ing.

Maybe its my work.

Maybe its an excuse. But really, im super busy with my trainees, and after work, i need to catch up doing admin work. And by the time i reach home, i go straight to bed and sleep (YES, its that bad!!)

Anyway, pls do pray for my mum.

She's such a strong women, and i, for all, could never take her place.

2007-07-13T19:39:00.000+08:00

Dear god,

I know i have not been a pious one to you.

But please,

I beg of you.

Give me the strenght to pull me thru.

I know there's a blessing in disguise.

You want me to be stronger in any perspective.

Please,

I beg of you.

Let my mum go thru her obstacle smoothly.

Please take care of my mum

Which i know you will

Thankyou Ya ALLAH

My Sincere(s) Apology(ies)

2007-07-08T08:36:00.000+08:00

I know

I lack of update.

Excuse it may be..

But ive started my OJT, and hell sure it take the hell out of me.

Anyweek, the weekend has been busy for me.

I will prolly update

ONCE ive UPLOADED the pictures.

And just for the record,

I'm a no-lifer at the moment.

Even my friends have been complaining of the M-I-A

aku tak mia lah!
=) =)

P/s: anybody to watch transformer with me? hur hur

The Short johor Trippin

2007-06-26T18:48:00.000+08:00

Picture first, words later

2007-06-24T00:21:00.000+08:00

Well then goodnite!

The one where the sister reaches home

2007-06-23T00:34:00.000+08:00

My sister's landing home at 0220 hrs.

Here i come little sister.

Big sister is here to pick you up!

Miss me?

Coz i for sure miss you.

Miss sqabbling with you that is!

=) =)

2007-06-21T16:25:00.000+08:00

This is Fucking funny.

Deliciously Happy

2007-06-21T11:58:00.000+08:00

Yesterday,

someone nice enough to give me a dinner treat. I am always a foodie, and always wanted to try foods from different region of the world. And true enough, my wish was granted and i had a wicked time yesterday.

He brought me to Bussuroh St. I was in awed because though i put my foot to Masjid Sultan, it simply ends there. Never beyond it. To my suprise (lovely one), there were so many eateries. How can i, an avid walk-a-holic could not have known such place?

This was the place he brought me. Lovely place. I was damn excited because it was my first time there. Jakon, i know.

To my suprise, thought the place was small, the place was totally packed with patrons. And they even have a V.I.P place where you eat on the floor. Very alaturka! I totally dig the ambiance. The hanging porceline round clock.

The brick wall.

The sheesha

I had this. It looks like calzone, but its not. Its a lamb filling with cheese on top. Believe me when i say its delicious. Really, it is!

The Lavosh

And I had Hummus for my appertizer. Hummus is a grounded cheekpea, with garlic and olive oil. It's my personal favourite.

Lovely night it is. Thank you for the dinner treat and the ride home.

=) =)

Tertiary Fling VII @ MoS [28th June 07]

2007-06-18T19:05:00.000+08:00

http://www.whosgoing.sg/wgevents/TFmos/tfling7.php

I got invited!

And im sure getting my ass there.

Are you?!

LETS PARTAYYY

Disclaimer:

"AND O0h O0h I AM SUPER BACK TO BLOGGING!"

Seventeen Magazine!

2007-06-10T19:22:00.000+08:00

Its my brother's birthday today, and we family went out for a movie for 13 people, which includes my family, my cousins and my bro's gf, irya! Imagine that. 13 people. Shaw House, you are making money out of us! You ought be happy coz of all places i choose you! (intonation : "pichachu, i choose you!")

Its funny. Seems like cheaper by the dozen, with my cousins making noises. And instead of the parents, i was the one making the shhhhhhh sound all the time in the theater. I personally feel that we own the theater because

we put up our legs on the chairs
we laugh and snort like nobody's business
We took the whole row to ourself. 13 people mind you.

And i think it's such a compliment when some chinese stranger tap my mum's back, and ask timidly,

"Excuse me, ummm this one all your children issit? "

Mum " hhahahahhaha, yah my childrenS"

the damn million shock face .

I tell you. I should have snapped a picture of her.

The open mouth.

The disbelieve face.

Haha.

We watched Shrek 3. It was a-ok. Not as funny like how Sham and Nana explain it.

when counsin meet

i fond this bi-atch!

At daiso.

We went to Daiso after that. Again, my cousins was running everywhere. I did some shopping. Irresistably daiso! Oh, oh they found one of the Anugerah Skrin guy and my cousins literally stalked him, running to me, shouting across one end

"KAK DIDI, _______ ADE KAT SINI? NAK AMEK NO DIER TAK??!!!"

Oh my fucking blair. Can you imagine the embarresment?

Happy 17th Birthday!

You are pretty pretty much taller than me.

Brother, you are now a big boy. Look at how you've grown.

I miss those times when we were close. Not very close, but close enough to joke and laugh together.

Now?

Only god knows.

I'm not going to pour much in this entry.Afterall it's suppose to be a fun filled entry post, but i cannot fathom the fact that we are not even on talking terms.

I want my old baby brother back.

Till then,

Happy birthday brother.

Beyond words

2007-06-08T03:30:00.000+08:00

The more the merrier.

I thought only the 3 of us

Yours truly

Sham

Nana

were the only one heading down to Dbl0.

So i was estatic, when Ida msg me in the MRT asking me to look left.

Haha

She too was goin to DblO with her gf which later i got aquantainted

It was mundane at first, but i was shrieking with fun after that.

WE nearly got into a fight with these chinones, claiming that we took over their table, when we actually we are putting our jug on the table.

Urghhh. Impeccable.

And the girls especially Nana was teasing me the whole time.

*insert private joke*

Oogle a cute guys.

Laugh and laugh.

Thats how i end my night.

Our last picture together.

P/s: Sham was the official photographer that day.

Friends

2007-06-01T22:22:00.000+08:00

Friends are like elavator.

They either bring you up

Or pull you down...

Which one are you?

Friends forever ?

I hope so too...

The time when your pocket burns a big big hole!

2007-06-01T20:36:00.000+08:00

IN THE NAME OF FUN

2007-06-01T09:54:00.000+08:00

What Your Name Means

You entered: Nurul Nadiah
There are 11 letters in your name.Those 11 letters total to 51There are 5 vowels and 6 consonants in your name.
Your number is: 6
The characteristics of #6 are: Responsibility, protection, nurturing, community, balance, sympathy.
The expression or destiny for #6:The number 6 Expression provides you a truly outstanding sense of responsibility, love, and balance. The 6 is helpful and ever conscientious, making you quite capable of rectifying and balancing any sort of inharmonious situation. You are a person very much inclined to give help and comfort to those in need. You have a natural penchant for working with the old, the young, the sick, or the underprivileged. Although you may have considerable creative and artistic talents, the chances are that you will devote yourself to an occupation that shows concern for the betterment of the community.
The positive side of the number 6 suggests that you are very loving, friendly, and appreciative of others. You have a depth of understanding that produces much sympathetic, kindness, and generosity. The qualities of the 6 make the finest and most concerned parent and one often deeply involved in domestic activities. Openness and honesty is apparent in your approach to all relationships.
If there is an excess of the number 6 in your makeup, you may exhibit some of the negative traits associated with this number. There may be a tendency for you to be too exacting and demanding of yourself. In this regard, you may at times sacrifice yourself (or your loved ones) for the welfare of others. In some cases, the over zealous 6 has difficulty distinguishing helping from interfering. You may have difficulty expressing your own individuality, because of involvement with responsibilities and causes. Like all with the Expression of the number 6, it's quite likely that you worry much too much.
Your Soul Urge number is: 8
A Soul Urge number of 8 means: With an 8 soul urge, you have a natural flair for big business and the challenges imposed by the commercial world. Power, status and success are very important to you. You have strong urges to supervise, organize and lead. Material desires are also very pronounced. You have good executive abilities, and with these, confidence, energy and ambition.
Your mind is analytical and judgment sound; you're a good judge of material values and also human character. Self-controlled, you rarely let emotions cloud judgment. You are somewhat of an organizer at heart, and you like to keep those beneath you organized and on a proper track. This is a personality that wants to lead, not follow. You want to be known for your planning ability and solid judgment.
The negative aspects of the 8 soul urge are the often dominating and exacting attitude. You may have a tendency to be very rigid, sometimes stubborn.
Your Inner Dream number is: 7
An Inner Dream number of 7 means: You dream of having the opportunity to read, study, and shut yourself off from worldly distractions. You can see yourself as a teacher, mystic, or ecclesiastic, spending your life in the pursuit of knowledge and learning.

2007-05-27T14:16:00.000+08:00

OK i am so blardy tired now. I'm going to meet Sham up for breakfast and discuss of the itenary for nana's birthday! Oh the last minute plan. Very very. I had a late night yesterday which i will update later (hopefully!!) Had only 3hrs of sleep. Reached home at 3 and,Sham called and ended up sleeping nearly 4. And i woke up at 8!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!OH MY SLEEP, I ALREADY MISS YOU!

I know im on a 'hiatus' mode. I am super lazy or what?! I am on the net nearly every single day and yet i did not even care to blog though i kept promising myself that i will. So dissapointing nadya!

Ok ok. ( puts up hand) I, nadya, shall promise to update all those past entries.

But

But

I shall not promise when.

So keep on looking

Who knows.

You might be on a feast!

Love,

Nadya

Dear Dairy

2007-05-05T19:07:00.000+08:00

Dear Dairy,

I really don't know how to describe the emotion i felt at the moment. I feel elated but at the same time the doubt still lingers. You know what they say about having a crush. Remember i said about A being married? Apperantly no, he is not. But the fact that he having a girlfriend might be still be true thought he admitted himself that he's not.

Funny how destiny is. I had a major crush on him. But it's peridiotically ditto. Because of what i heard about him. I've always imagine having to meet him virtually somewhere. And somehow rather, god granted it! Really.I receive a private message frm somebody from this "dating"website. ( no im not revealing where)It turns out to be him. Or so i guess. He did not reveal himself to me. But the clues he leaves are just so right that it's him. I'm not good in explaining but you know how it feels like when you are guessing that it's him, and when you finally guess that him, you feel good yet dissapointed? Dissapointed because that the mystery that keeps you jibbery ends. Well that's how i felt.

I don't know if we have the chemistry or not. I can't hope and i don't want to hope. For all you know, he's just being friendly. But if it's the case, why is he being mystery about himself. Gosh i hate this mind game. Really, it just brings headache to me, not to mention mild heartache.

Oh well.

Shop Shop till you jatuh

2007-05-01T04:14:00.000+08:00

Wanna know where i got the title from? Suria Segar. I was watching it when there was a segment on tour destination. They interviewed this tour agent, blah blah blah, and solemnly he said " Singaporean nowdays likes to shop shop till they jatuh" I mean, how bad can his singlish be? Bi-lingual? NOT! I chuckle to myself watching him trying his level best to converse in malay which he hopefully failed. Lol

Anyway, I enjoyed myself going to Bugis with Zimah and Niza. I had fun being Zimah's fashion advisor. She had trouble deciding to buy stuff. Oh well, i succeed to persuade her buying a top for herself. Afterall, one have to look good doesnt she?

Charlie angle tak jadi

Time to act cute. Cute. I know

Oh zimah. She sure had a hard time deciding.

This aunty dutifully posed a peace sign for me. Super sporting

Cravings

2007-04-23T21:43:00.000+08:00

Ben n Jerry

Haagen Daaz

Swensens

Gelare

Anybody care to give me a treat to satisfy my ever sweet-tooth?

Pweety plssssssssssss!!

p/s : ive already gotten my NEW bedroom set! Yeah-ness!Coming this SAT. Left to but paint,blinder and lots and lots of picture frames! Oh man, no time left.

Note to self : HIGH IMPORTANCE!

2007-04-21T00:53:00.000+08:00

Help.

I'm emotionally drowned.

Where are you friends?

Why do you come and go?

Advance Birthday Celebration

2007-04-20T03:53:00.000+08:00

My collegue was very nice indeed me invite to for a makan-makan session to celebrate Mona's advance birthday. I was even suprise when my boss (future that is. hehe) was at the door of my class (he was attending a training) asking personally if i would be going for that. So on the day it self, I waited for Lele and Mr Mike and headed to Hougang. We were supposed to have our dinner at Lerkthai when this flyer attendant flew out flyer at the foot of the escalator. Magicwok had a promotion. Enticed by the eat all you can, we ended up at Magicwok. -_-" Yea, tell me about it.

So anyway, i fairly had a good time with them. Lele, lucky you just brought a slice of cake of Mona, else your money would be wasted you! Hehe, you tell me! We ..I was personally full!

P/s: Thank you Mr Mike. for the treat. =) =) =)

2007-04-19T21:59:00.000+08:00

I cried yesterday. Yes, yesterday i was perpetually disturbed. Moreover i'm undergoing PMS so i'm emotionally unstable. During class, my lecturer/trainer, Miss Grace came up to me and talk to me regarding my mum. The moment she sat beside me, I wanted to cry. Even before opening my mouth to share the story. I wanted hold my self back from tearing. Well, i did literally but only for a while. I choked trying to explain my mum's condition. And then it start to get cloudy. My tears gathered around my eyes, and i kept fighting to hold it back. Alas, i failed.

She was being brutal truth. Being a proffesional, she estimated and told me to be prepared for the worst. And she mentioned hospice. FUCKING HOSPICE! That's when i just had to let go.

After that, i kept to myself. My body was stepping on ground, but spiritually i was'nt.

And i cried again. This time in front of my friends in the MRT. So tak glamour. I'm glad. I'm glad they were there for me.

Thank you Zaba, Niza, Kana.

Feast of Pictures!!

2007-04-16T17:41:00.000+08:00

Yesterday......

We watched a movie instead of sentosa

Look at him, so engrossed!

On Saturday...

With the famous man

Me and the two chef. I simply love the chefs. Uber friendly. Btw, i looked as if i'm timid in the picture

Inah and me with our "daughters"

On the way there

The lovely cousins!

My current love!

My aunt posing with the sadle. Happy !

Even happier man, Uncle Yai

The yummy desserts

The ever sporting staff!

MY handsome brother and me

Yours truly, mentelis

MY lovelies, kawaiiieneehhhhhh

My dearest mum

So there you go. Yours truly had a wonderful (really full!) night. Me and the cousins were so excited reaching there. I kept going "omg omg omg" because the place is just so cool. Great place to chill, i tell you! Duty free shopping centre. I can see myself going upteen times! I must thank my aunt who gave us the delicious treat. Thank you Cik Ani! Daun kelapa, daun keladi, jangan malu malu treat lagi!!! Muahhahahaha!

2007-04-14T16:09:00.000+08:00

I am just so tired. So so mentally and physically tired. To top it up i'm having my mood swings. The monthly period is coming soon.

I could'nt help myself feeling utterly dissapointed when i heard from A that he is already attached/married.He is too young to be married. Another one down. Argh.

Let's just hope the dinner at Hotel Eden with the family makes my day.

HEY ITS YOUR BIRTHDAY

2007-04-13T19:03:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOVE!

No wonder they are best of friends! Hope you have a wonderful birthday with your love ones!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DEAR ENAH!

2007-04-12T00:24:00.000+08:00

Is'nt she gorgeous? Lucky bf to have her.

Broke-my-heart month

2007-04-11T23:52:00.000+08:00

I end up my day giving an listening ear to my dear friend nana.

I was supposedly to be the one doing the talking, but end up the latter. But i dont blame her. She needs it more than i do. What is mine compared to hers? Her heart is officially broken. To an extend she rushed down all the way from far end to Woodlands,under my block instead of the initial plan to Macs Civic. Just so, she's able to share her misery. Just so,that her burden would be lighter.

I was overwhelmed. I completely knew how and what she's going thru at the moment. I kept giving her hugs and hand held tight to show that i am there listening to every single word, every single detail. I shared her my experience i had with the ex and told her that she was not the only one who went thru it before. I irked, i winch. I shook my head in dismay. How could he?

Our conversation last for quite awhile and i really hope i have lighten her up. Nana, i sayang you many many. Be assured i am here for you no matter how busy i am.

Oh my, is this month, the broke-my-heart month? Two cases i've heard so far. Any more?

2007-04-11T09:10:00.000+08:00

I'm glad that i kept it to myself. I nearly blurt it out, really untill i knew of the truth.

No, i'm not upset.

Just overwhelmed.

Its just infatuation anyway.

Roar!!!

2007-04-09T20:59:00.000+08:00

I wanna roar!

I have something to confess. But i think i'll just keep it to myself first. I want to tell , wait, no shout at the top of the hill so that everybody can hear what i have to say. But they say hearing and listening are two different world.
To Yuzzy dude, I hate to see you at this state. I can obviously see what you are going thru. I am here for my gundu! Where is the crazy fun you? Its lost behind those sadness and depression. Remember how you would mock me and ask me to stand up to the world when things are going downhill, when i broke up with my bf? Now its my turn! You were there for me and now i shall be there for you. Stay on strong, look at me now. I doing ok. You will be too, if you let time heal. Yes, time go slow when you are heartbroken. But fret not, god have his own reason.

I am just too free!

2007-04-08T12:46:00.000+08:00

Your Birthdate: February 18

You are a cohesive force - able to bring many people together for a common cause.
You tend to excel in work situations, but you also facilitate a lot of social gatherings too.
Beyond being a good leader, you are good at inspiring others.
You also keep your powerful emotions in check - you know when to emote and when to repress.

Your strength: Emotional maturity beyond your years

Your weakness: Wearing yourself down with too many responsibilities

Your power color: Crimson red

Your power symbol: Snowflake

Your power month: September

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Your True Love Is a Cancer

Why you'll love a Cancer:

Cancer's loyal and sincere heart makes your own sensitive heart melt.
Caring and devoted, a Cancer will take the lead in pursuing you - and not give up!

Why a Cancer will love you:

You're laid back enough to deal with Cancer's little mood swings and freak-outs.
A fellow homebody, you know how make Cancer comfortable and at home with you.

What Sign Is Your True Love?

Your Love Life Secrets Are

Looking back on your life, you will have a few true loves.

Although you may have been hurt before, you tend to bring very little scars into new relationships.

You expect a lot from your lover - you want the full package. You tend to be very picky.

In fights, you love to debate and defend yourself. You logic prevails - or at least you'd like to think so.

You have a hard time ending relationships, even if the other person says it's over.

Your Love Life Secrets, Revealed

You Are Very Happy Being Single

You're not anti-relationship. You just don't need one to be content.
You find plenty of happiness from your life as it is.
And if you find someone you love, then that's just icing on an already decadent cake!

Are You Happy Being Single?

You Mostly Have Your Emotions in Check

Sometimes your emotions get out of control, but you usually are a pretty stable person.
You can find a lot to be happy about, as long as things are going your way.
But if a few bad things happen to you, you tend to go in a bit of a downward spiral.
Luckily, you usually come out of it okay and no worse for the wear.

Can You Keep Your Emotions in Check?

2007-04-08T11:34:00.000+08:00

Selamat pengantin baru Nisha!

Nana and me. See Syam so dengki put is finger so it looks like as if he's digging my nose! Love latter picture! So model kan! NOT

I hearts them both. Never fail to entertain me. And nana ask Syam to stop playing and teasing about my NOSE! And i envy to the fact that they have already reach their 3rd year mark. you guys will get hitched soon after heh? Me? Wait nong nong lah.

2007-04-08T10:59:00.000+08:00

My exschool mate was legally married yesterday. I met up wit the crazy wacky couple, nana and sham. Thanks to the father, who drove me up to yew tee. And guess what, he thought that the wedding was at yew tee and reason he drove me up was simply because he thought he could get the taste of nasi minyak. -_- " -_-". See. How thoughtful.

Well anyway, Sham kept teasing me about me sleeping with my mouth open. What the blair. ok internal joke. I can't even remember about it. It was like eons ago. And he teased me about my sunglass. Yes the big one. "Ape takde lagi besar kepe" Why you!

We went off first from b.batok without radiah and her boyfriend. Yes, yesterday i was the lamp post. But it was ok lah, i never felt left out at all. Nana and Syam entertained me too much. Just too much!

But of course the highlight of yesterday was Nisha's wedding. The moment i saw her on bridal dais, i was lost for word. Truly, my hand was shaking when nana and i went up the daid to shake hand with her. I did'nt know if it was ok to kiss her cheeks (our tradition, when we meet up with friends). So i did'nt though i wanted too. The funny scene was, the three of reached there, we din't know what to do first and next. *serve us right for not attending weddings with our parents before* Sitting down on the table, i just kept admiring the new bride. I nearly teared ok thinking the fact that my friend now belongs to the husband.

Radiah and boyfriend came later. Ah, that moment was awkward because that was when i felt abit like a lamp- post. That was when nana nudge me at this chinese guy who was sitting with us. She joked that Nisha knew i would come without a partner thus she hook me up with the chinese guy. ptffffffff. Turns out the guy to be Nisha's sec sch teacher. It was hilarious because i role play to talk to him, usher him to eat and only to find out that he's married. Double ptffffffff.

Selamat pengantin baru nisha. Malam pertama jgn malu2 share ngan aku hokay. Ho Ho ho. I wish you all the best, i tumpang gembira that you are finally married to the ONE.

The wacky couple and i decided to hang out at coffee bean before we headed home. Took dozens of pictures, laughing out loud to the jokes we made. Just fun to end the day. Sweet. We brought mudpie, caremal and mocha.

Even sweeter, nana suggested to go out again next Sunday to Sentosa. Aku so cannot wait ok. Just fun going out with the both of them.

2007-04-08T00:09:00.000+08:00

Good company + good food + good place + good live band

Look we have the same nose!

Uber cute lead singer. *blush*

Half eaten pizza. Ompphhhhh

Roy, thank you for the wonderful conversation we had. I now have enough knowledge what busking is all about. And oh how i love listening your stories touring europe just to busk. He felt bad i can't have my cuppucino because the damn machine broke down. He's so funny. He got worried because i told him i want to talk over coffee. And he took my word too seriously. He insisted we go to tcc just so i can have my coffee. *chuckles* Just in case if you guys are wondering, he busk at waterloo st. DO check him out. I forgot to ask him for his picture in his busking. Its amazing we can share so much within 4 hrs. Oh oh have i told you how cute the lead singer is with his dimple. Too bad i don't have a close up picture of him. I was oggling at him all the time. Date me! haha.

Location : Timber, Former art house

Unexpected suprise

2007-04-07T13:19:00.000+08:00

Sometimes the unexpected turns out better than you though it is. I love the suprise and how i love the quick bondage i have among my coursemates.

Inside the mrt, Zaba spotted this cute girl with her hot looking father (i presume). Sotong only take her picture!

One of my coursemate invited me to her aunty's indian restaurant. Its located at changi village where you book the hdb chalet. I profusely thanked her for the treat! She's so nice and generous! And to think i just knew her. After that we were yakking and joking like old friends. She shared with me, she never really had friends around mainly because the malay friends she had were rasict! Impeccable i tell you! No darling need not worry hokay. Me,Zaba and friends are not like those friends of yours!

Nice and cheap. I had roti prata. Zaba had roti john. Sedap!!

Hearts her. Me and Kana

We had no plans, so we stroll down the beach.

pardon the hand. i tulen hokay.

I never expected it would turn out fun. Really, i wish i could go to detail, but i got demesia lah! Can't remember much!

Beautiful moments

2007-04-06T16:51:00.000+08:00

"this is how you pucker up your lips kakak"

p/s: pss tagboard is up again. Tag while stock last!

2007-04-04T21:38:00.000+08:00

I am so tempted to post up cbox again to my blog

Should i?

Should i not?

Oh man!

Anyway, my uncle after the winning, became an overnight celebrity! He was interviewed at B.harian, and latest i heard from my brother, some health magazines offer him to be on their cover page. Oh my god, i so envy my uncle. Funny, when he have and had no intention of being one, god gave him . Me, i so badly want to be miss celebrity (no pun intended!!), yet is still a nobody. Haha oh well.

I knew i wanted to blog something but its out of mind now! Shesshh, what it is i want to blog heh..

Oh yah,i am enjoying every little bits of my life at the moment. Alhamdullilah.

I am going out with friends and i am making more new friends. All is not lost, don't you think. Losing you is'nt a bad idea after all. Please don't spoil it by coming back to my life! Lets put an end. Ditto.

Meeting Roy for coffee this Friday. . He has the coolest job. He's a busker and if you see an immobile man all in silver or gold posing like statue, that's him.

Saturday is my ITE's fren wedding. oh man, another down. Suddenly i feel old and seems that life revolve too fast. Just too fast for me to actually register in my brain.

Bobby just told me over msn he's leaving Ritz. He wount tell me the reason. Damn, so secretive sia. So my friend,all i can offer, JAGA DIRI BAIK- BAIK hor!

Oklah, take care lovelies.

2007-04-03T22:07:00.000+08:00

me and mona flauting the invitation card

me and zabah. Thank you ok babe. *Hearts*

The 3 of us inside the enclosed fashion house. It was thrilling i tell you!

models. ahh, just the correct motivation to go on diet hah!

Location :Coffee Pacific

from left: niza,zabah,me and zuraidah. all preety2 kan ;D

Ahh now niza's face is not 'cut'.heh. picture taken by yours truly

ok lah this are the only pictures which az willingly helped me to i-dunno-what-he-did-lah! Thank you, but DON'T anyhow misuse the pictures i sent to you hor. Hehe. Kidding. Thanks dude!

Maybe Losing you is a GREAT idea afterall

2007-04-03T21:07:00.000+08:00

Something is wrng with my blog post or did i press something wrong? all pictures come out in html codes and tags. shesshh. sorry mr azaris. i have to dissapoint you. I can't blog anything with no pictures!

Well anyway, ill just tell you all lah k. So use your lucrative imagination to visualise what happen during the weekend.

Last Friday was my last day at MINDS. I of course was very sad to leave. I've bonded so much with the trainees. I wanted to burst into tears but that would be abit exxegerating don't you think. ITs just 3 months anyway. So anyway, my collougue was very nicey nicey.Alvin brought for my green tea soya bean and pancakes for breakfast. Not that i like green tea soya bean,but the fact that he took note that i loved green, he went ard finding something green, and he went the extra effort to ask if it's HALAL. gee, i wasa touched. Yes, i was hokay.

Then after work, they brought me Gayathri Rest to have a farewell dinner. See, how could you not be touched.And to the fact that i was just volunterring there for just two month! Arghh, sad that i cant post the pictures. I had lots of laughter, and boy im sure going to miss them. Sad that Reeve could'nt come. He's my part time bf over there. Haha. And to top it up, Lele, Mona and Tryphena actually send me to the bustop and send me off.Mind you, their busstop was way before me! Awww Awww and AWW~~!

Remember i said someone invited me for a fashion show. I never regret accepting it!! It was so exciting, i tell you, you would beg just to trade places with me. HEH! I made a new friend too. And i saw denise keller. Oh, her high bridge nose. Now i would truly beg to trade place with her. I don't mind! haha. Zabah, i must really thank you hokay, for the invitation. I am so tempted to go for more.

Ahhh..double sad. I really really wish to show you the pictures. Real bad. Lets see lah hor. If the next time i log in, it turned back ok, I PROMISE, those picture i'm proudly to show will be publish hokay!

Lastly, im making new new friends at school. We hang out at vivo city at pacific coffee yesterday. Superb location, enchanting view (chey,chey) and chatty course mates!

2007-04-02T22:23:00.000+08:00

Your Hidden Talent

Your natural talent is interpersonal relations and dealing with people.You communicate well and are able to bring disparate groups together.Your calming presence helps everything go more smoothly.People crave your praise and complements.

What's" Your Hidden Talent?

I am famous now!

2007-04-01T19:38:00.000+08:00

Ok so its not me, its my uncle whose the famous man right now. Da okb (read: orang kaya baru). Its ok, your preety niece here, tumpang famous also lah ok!

Friends come and go.

2007-03-30T01:51:00.000+08:00

But will you leave a footprint in my Heart?

Miss Miss Miss

Love Love Love

2007-03-30T01:17:00.000+08:00

Hey you,

yes you. good morning. Its 1.17 now in the morning and this is my 2nd post for the day. I was actually sleeping just now when i suddenly woke up followed by series of scratching. Don't ask me why. AND no, my bed does'nt have any bed fleas. I was cursing and swearing cause when i looked at the time it was just past midnite!! I cannot get back to sleep once i am awake, so i am thankful that i have internet connection and SCV to keep me going. I was blog-hopping as per usual when i came across this lady's blog. I somehow recognise her thru this website anakmelayu. You know back then, one time, suddenly they have clans and alliances coming up and i dutifully kononnye want to be a part of it. Someone from the net i got aquaintted with intived me to join her clan which was GIMY ( which later only remained bout 4 people only, I THINK).So thats how i recognise her lah. But that's not my drift you know. What i'm going to share is my sentiments towards what she's going thru somebody. Sorry love, if i never got the whole story correct. But assuming from what you wrote on your blog, you must be very heart broken.

Now Eqa, it is sad enough for me to read your blog about you ranting that you love him, and he on the other hand does'nt love you back. How could he have done that? Dahling, don't blame yourself for whatever had happen. Never. Look at you! You are a beautiful babe. Think of it this way, its HIS lost!not YOUR lost hokay. Right now it seems to me that he have the control over you. Because he knew that you are still not over him, he is somehow taking advantage of the situation. Generally guys feel good about themself when someone actually would do anything for them.

Which then, gave me the vast impression of how heartless a guy can me. Eqa is not just one example i'm relating too. Look at my gf, Enah, she went thru a series of heartbreak before meeting her love. Nani, even is going thru a turmoil because of love. DO you guys have feelings in the first place?? Can't you spare us girls the complexity of love? You know, there were occasion of time when Enah would coyly say, "Eh if like tis hor, alamat jadi anak dara tua lah" She might say it for fun sake, but deep down, there are the fears that she went thru before. I, too, have been thru such situation. God, i shall not eloborate what happen.

Disclaimer: It may create some unwanted dispute, but i meant no harm. This is purely my own personal view, so save your dissing!

2007-03-29T21:36:00.000+08:00

I found this skin by chance i have the urge to change my blogskin. Lovely is'nt it. White and just cheery. Unlike my last skin (as if i had many!heh), it seems so black and gloomy. Well, i am still adjusting to the new skin that i just had to keep on looking at it for a zillionth time. Talk about paranoia! or was it kiasu? haha

Anyway,i came back home from work feeling so motivated. Motivated to exercise. Oh man, one of semangat 2 minute is up again. If Enah and Masline read this, they must have the same thought i guess.Haha. Because whenever i meet up with the both of them, i go, "eh i want to exercise lah!" "eh i should start to exercise". There was even a time when i bought this bellydancing cd for me to start off, but hey, aku ke mana, cd tu ke mana!
But i many many reason for me to start dieting and exercising. When i met the girls last Sunday, I felt fat! Yes i did! In fact the truth was I am fat. Imagine the akwardness i felt (though i cleverly never show)!! If you look at the pictures i posted, don't you think that the smiles look fake? Not that i din't want to smile, but fact was,the whole time i was talking and asking myself, do i look good among them? my my look at what i have done to myself. But then again, i take this reason, to futher motivate me to look good for myself. After all i am single. Single people have to look good right?.... NOT! Confidence Nadya! Confidence! Where have your confidence gone? OH nOooooooo..

No offence girls, i am not jealous, but just full of envy. Envy that you guys have the confidence to strut it off. I lost my confidence oredi. Dunno where it has gone. Now, now, it's time to find it back is'nt it.

So nadya.

Semoga maju jaya eh!

Heh heh heh

2007-03-28T19:05:00.000+08:00

I guess i woke up from the wrong side of the bed today. I woke up feeling bitter. Suddenly it gets to me. Today is the second day i had the same dream, only the dream today describes how i felt deep down. I have never as a person able to communicate with other of how i truly feel of certain thing or personal stuff. I tried before but it never get across to them of how i wanted it to be. And i felt rejected. Rejected because when i tried to pour out my feelings, personal ones, they don't seem to take seriously about it. Or at least i think that way. So my dream, i guess is where i really pour out my deepest inner thoughts. I dreamt of him. I dreamt, i was in the bus, double decker to be precise. I sat at the top. And then i saw him. Yes him with his new girlfriend. In the dream, i immediately had a rushed emotion. Butterflies in my stomach. I always expected that i would be well prepared to face such situatio, but not. I wanted to cry. I only manage to wintch in dismay. Now in reality, i thought i have gotten over him. Reason being, i never cried when he left me, not like when my other ex boyfriend left me. I never thought of him often though here and there i would check my hp for missed call. Maybe i was to caught up with work that i never had the chance to feel so. But the dream... i felt so much. I wanted so much to move on. I kept telling myself, i don't need to find another man to delude myself from this situation. There are so many other ways,yet i always imagine myself with someone else, and there he saw me with him. I imagine that he would be red-eyed seeing me with another person. I imagine him have full regret of not taking care better of me when we were together. Imagine, imagine, imagine. That was all i could muster. I right now,am taking a very deep breath. Time will heal they say. But thing is, how long? I muster lots of courage to keep this to myself.

Ughhhh.

Well, on a lighter note, my cousin from JB gotten himself a ob at Macs. I, as his cousin is anxiously happy of him. Yesterday, i excitedly went dwn tot macs to lend him e support. First day mahh!

And on the happy happy note, a friend whom i just got aquinted with invited me to go to the Marks and Spencer Fashion Show this Saturday!! How cool is that!!! I am so looking forward to it.

2007-03-26T08:20:00.000+08:00

I am so freakkkkkking pissed!! I woke up early in the morning, happily blogging about yesterday FUN outing i had, when one click of i-don't -know-what-i-press, and poof all the long entries that i crack up to write just hilang! OH MY GOD, i was writing about my current favourite word, OH MY GOD, my new old friend found Dayah! The sheer laughter we had, the GOOD food I had, about how we manage to the place down with our shrieking high pitch monstorous laughter.,*points to nani and dayah* ,about how i jokingly tell nani to pass her precious digicam which is full of me and enah's picture and she blurly said yes, pokingly teasing Enah about her secretively not telling she is finally attached to her LOVE after being 3 years single. maybe that explains why she gave a huge treat to all of us! hah! all that stories that will keep you going on reading with pleasure! oh my god!! and maybe that's the reason why it unmotivate me to blog!

Urgh! I am not going to layment anymore. Heart pain thinking about it. I'll show you the pictures instead!

Sorry yuni and farah, i don't have any pictures of yu. But i had uber fun with both of yu, and Yuni, laugh more!

new old friend found, DAYAH! Credits to Enah who bring us together!