Raw. Just raw

Sometimes i just wish i could work day and night and don't need fret about going home.
Right now, I hate being at home. I use to find going work draggy, but now I FIND GOIN HOME IS MUCH DRAGGIER. Not that i don't want to be at home, but i feel at work now i feel much happier. Put aside the chaos my trainees are giving me, at least they still put a smile on my face at the end of the day. HOME? Urghhh.

I don't even want to talk about it. I know this sounds raw, but i'm just...haiz, not happy at home. Oh this is the 3rd time im repeating it. See, it gets this bad. I thought PMS is over, and this emotional turbulance would too go away, but it has been years i have this thought/feeling in me.

I tried so hard. So hard that i'm emotionally drained out. Sometimes, every night i cry myself to sleep. I think so hard, so hard that my brain is gonna burst any time soon. Is everything my fault? Am i scrutinize for my bad rebellion past? Am i wrong to feel insecure?

Why do you have to keep repeatedly say that i always buruk sangka mama? Why?

Am i wrong to voice out my opinion? Do i have no feelings for telling you what i dislike?

Sigh.

Don't get me wrong.

I love my mama alot.

I wish she knows that.

And i wish she could stop saying all that and just tell me that she will try to understand.

Just try.

That's all i want.

no

I need