I wasnt having any emotional dyfunct when i wrote the last post. It was simply down deep from my heart.

Clear cut, i am utterly dissapointed with my own family. I know back then i did many wrong, many wrong that they simply lost the trust in me, disrespect me especially my siblings. Even then, what happen to clearing grudges? Leaving the past and try to know me as the present? the problem is, no! No matter what i did, im under scrutinity and always judged negatively on every action i give.

I give up. Not giving up on myself, but give up making up to my family. I tried so much to hold back my temper, and when it flares, the only conclusion they jump on? Oh im still that old Nadya.

Stop it! I had enough. I cried to my sleep. I cried when i did my daily jog. I cried to Allah. I wanted to be strong for myself. Be selfish and put up a brave front, then again who am i kidding? I am still alone. I am not happy being so.

I keep to myself, refraining to talking terms to my family. I asked myself is this the last resort. It certainly wasnt but i let myself follow my delusion. At this moment, my heart truly ached especially thinking of my brother.

Damn him. Really damn him. I not gonna stoop low like you. I'm not going to infest my blog with cursing and swearing over the emotional and physical damage you have done to me. Nope, been there done that. I am soo over such actions. I rather keep to myself now, then have big arguments with the family.