I can't sleep =,(

Two days ago i was awake at this time because of my cramp. Today? Should i start sighing? Sigh, oh ok, there you go, miss persimmist just sighed.

I was initially sleeping. Then i start having weird dreams about work. I can't remember vaguely now, but i know it's about work. And then i start tossing round because i remembered trying to get rid of the dream. And i clearly failed.

So i opened my eyes slowly. Forcing my brain to function normally before i reach out to look at the clock on my handphone.

I was hoping it was already 5am.

But, no, to my utter suprise.

*squinting eyes in darkness*

12.15am

OH GREAT! JUST FUCKING GREAT!

my dream felt like eternity.

my body ached from the damn dream.( i was willing to admit tho it might secretly be my pillow which is causing the neck ache)


and its just 12am???????

SHOULD I SIGH ANYMORE?

The next thing i know, i switched on the com, and now sitting in front to pass the time till i'm really sleepy. Because i know myself. I can't sleep and wount sleep after waking up. (it takes a long time for me to get sleepy again)

and also, i'm a scarey cat. yes. i hate to pass time on my bed, eyes wide open. tossing and turning trying to sleep, because that's the time scary thoughts will fill me up.

Laugh all you can, but yours truly still believes in supernatural.

Speaking of which, i woke up automatically to get out of the room , because, i don't wish to start imagining a kakak beside me. And trust me about imagining. My eyes will start forming the imaginative kakak i created in my head, and the eye will start playing tricks on me.

Oh, that's the last thing i want to see!

Good thing my brother just reached home now and watching the tv. I feel much better.

Yikes.

Raw. Just raw

Sometimes i just wish i could work day and night and don't need fret about going home.
Right now, I hate being at home. I use to find going work draggy, but now I FIND GOIN HOME IS MUCH DRAGGIER. Not that i don't want to be at home, but i feel at work now i feel much happier. Put aside the chaos my trainees are giving me, at least they still put a smile on my face at the end of the day. HOME? Urghhh.

I don't even want to talk about it. I know this sounds raw, but i'm just...haiz, not happy at home. Oh this is the 3rd time im repeating it. See, it gets this bad. I thought PMS is over, and this emotional turbulance would too go away, but it has been years i have this thought/feeling in me.

I tried so hard. So hard that i'm emotionally drained out. Sometimes, every night i cry myself to sleep. I think so hard, so hard that my brain is gonna burst any time soon. Is everything my fault? Am i scrutinize for my bad rebellion past? Am i wrong to feel insecure?

Why do you have to keep repeatedly say that i always buruk sangka mama? Why?

Am i wrong to voice out my opinion? Do i have no feelings for telling you what i dislike?

Sigh.

Don't get me wrong.

I love my mama alot.

I wish she knows that.

And i wish she could stop saying all that and just tell me that she will try to understand.

Just try.

That's all i want.

no

I need

12am in the morning

And i am yet in my bed, sleeping, rejuvenating for a long day tomorrow.

Instead i am hogging in front of the computer, trying to pen down all the ramdom thoughts i have in my head.

And silently hoping that my PMS cramp would affect me at work tomorrow.

Well truth is, I slept from 4 pm in the afternoon just now and woke up just after 10 because of the damn cramp. I forced myself to sleep so i wount think and feel so much of the cramp. And truth is, i'm surfing now is not because i can't sleep but not to focus much yet again on the damn cramp. Its really getting on my nerves.

Oh, i fought with the mother just now. All because of my money. I woke up, went out of the room, still groggy. And my mum nochalantly telling me, I have left only this much with her. I practically blew my top simply because i suppose to have $50 bucks more. I was fuming because she insisted i took $70 instead of $20. But what the hell would i need so much money?? All pin point down that fact that my wallet was with my friend.

If only my wallet was with me it' wount have happen

If only i don't need to go yest, i don't need to use the money.

If only'ss.

I wount be fuming and thus the quarrall.

I can't hold back the tears. I was on the top of my voice and so is my mum.
Would like to blame the PMS, but im sick of the blaming game.

Now that i have simmer down,

I wish i could have just slept all thru the day.

And handle the shit in the morn.

But then again,

Knowing myself, it would have practically ruin my day.

I want to hate my life at this moment. But i think it's simply inappropriate just because of this.

I'm suppose to love myself.

Oh yes. I gettit

Pictures are never too late

Suddenly i find Marroon 5 very appealing. Adam's the lead singer and HE is EXTREMLY SEXY. He sure turn me on!

Forget wentworth miller,

Adam's the new sex appeal.

The mesmerising eyes.

The thin wisp lips.

The chihselled face.

Oh i better stop

Funny how i miss many people in my life,

Yet i feel un bothered to make a point to call, sms, or even msn-ing.

Maybe its my work.

Maybe its an excuse. But really, im super busy with my trainees, and after work, i need to catch up doing admin work. And by the time i reach home, i go straight to bed and sleep (YES, its that bad!!)

Anyway, pls do pray for my mum.

She's such a strong women, and i, for all, could never take her place.

Dear god,


I know i have not been a pious one to you.

But please,

I beg of you.

Give me the strenght to pull me thru.

I know there's a blessing in disguise.

You want me to be stronger in any perspective.

Please,

I beg of you.

Let my mum go thru her obstacle smoothly.

Please take care of my mum


Which i know you will

Thankyou Ya ALLAH

My Sincere(s) Apology(ies)

I know


I lack of update.

Excuse it may be..

But ive started my OJT, and hell sure it take the hell out of me.

Anyweek, the weekend has been busy for me.

I will prolly update

ONCE ive UPLOADED the pictures.

And just for the record,

I'm a no-lifer at the moment.

Even my friends have been complaining of the M-I-A

aku tak mia lah!
=) =)

P/s: anybody to watch transformer with me? hur hur