Why do all good things come to an end.

I'm a strong believer in karma,

Why you ask me? Because im going thru the phase right now, and believe me it's not a phase where i enjoy it thoroughly at all.

All those bad karma coming slapping amd slamming right thru my fae right after one another. I believe god is just fair. I came up with this theory in order to turn over a new leave, you will go thru painful obstacle. Well in another words, its payback time. You, now become the victim of the bad sins you have done in the past. I say, have a taste of your own medicine.

In all my life, it was not at all a rosy and dainty ever since i was 13. As a teenager i grew up fighthing for my rights. My freedom. I got it all right, but in return i became this nasty person which i later realise made many people despise me which of cause includes my own siblings.

There are of cause alot of factors imput in which i wount go in detail. I became nasty simply not because i wanted too, but circumstances made me too. My father was one of the main reason. Again, i wount go into details.

I was born an intelligent person. But i threw many opportunities away. My life, if only i have straightned it out long ago, i would be in uni instead of struggling, working and studying at the same time out of my own pocket money.

I've stopped playing the blame game. I have only myself to blame.

Dear god,

Right now, what ever obstacle you gave me, i just wish you are right here with me to guide me thru. To give me the will power to go on and face the world optimisticly. I longed to be happy.

It's been such a long time since i have been happy. I know you will give me happiness. Time? Patience is running out.

I wasnt having any emotional dyfunct when i wrote the last post. It was simply down deep from my heart.

Clear cut, i am utterly dissapointed with my own family. I know back then i did many wrong, many wrong that they simply lost the trust in me, disrespect me especially my siblings. Even then, what happen to clearing grudges? Leaving the past and try to know me as the present? the problem is, no! No matter what i did, im under scrutinity and always judged negatively on every action i give.

I give up. Not giving up on myself, but give up making up to my family. I tried so much to hold back my temper, and when it flares, the only conclusion they jump on? Oh im still that old Nadya.

Stop it! I had enough. I cried to my sleep. I cried when i did my daily jog. I cried to Allah. I wanted to be strong for myself. Be selfish and put up a brave front, then again who am i kidding? I am still alone. I am not happy being so.

I keep to myself, refraining to talking terms to my family. I asked myself is this the last resort. It certainly wasnt but i let myself follow my delusion. At this moment, my heart truly ached especially thinking of my brother.

Damn him. Really damn him. I not gonna stoop low like you. I'm not going to infest my blog with cursing and swearing over the emotional and physical damage you have done to me. Nope, been there done that. I am soo over such actions. I rather keep to myself now, then have big arguments with the family.

I am going to stand up head high even you are constantly throwing negative remarks, cursing and swearing at me.

Tears will flow. yes it will. but that is not a sign of my weakness.

I will prove to you that i'm strong to stand up on my two feet,
even when you are telling everybody that i am a loser.

I don't care if you don't give a chance to know me deep down.

That i am a nice person at heart,

tho i don't show much at home.

I simply don't care anymore.

I may not have you, my own flesh and blood as my first support.

But i strongly belief that god is fair.

God,

I put my faith in you.

So brother.

Carry on with what you are doing.

Coz it made me a wiser person, to know how cruel life is.

With absolutely no one to turn to,

even with your own family turn you down.

It's ok.

I will console myself.

"Nadya, i love you.

Love yourself nadya."

=) =) =)

Eh, HI! HELLO, SAWADIKARPPP

I have not been updating much.

Ermm, i dunno what to update, ive lost touch of how to blog.

Wait,

Is there a system or guideline to blog in the first place?

HAH!

OK i seriously don't know what to blog,

I off for my daily jog.

Speaking of which. I have so far succeded in running without taking a break.

HAIL TO ME!

I am dead serious about losing weight. I have not seen any changes. But friends do. HO HO

I am fucking happy lor!

OK BYE!