I am watching Micheal Buble on Youtube now.
He made me smile sheepishly.
Just like a girl who's shy having to look in the eye of her crush.
Je'taime.
Your sexiness is soooo effortless Buble.
Ahhhh..... I'm swoon.
14.9.07
8 is the lucky number
The Rulez:1) Each blogger must post these rules, first.2) Each blogger starts with with eight random facts/ habits about themselves3) Bloggers that are tagged need to write on their own blog about eight things and post these rules. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.4) Don't forget to leave them a comment telling them they're tagged, and to read your blog.
1) First impression works best for me. If i am comfortable with you, i will be very sociable. If i don't, pls get the hint.
2) I don't like cleaning my room. But i am totally the opposite at work!
3)I love red,yellow and green.
4) Many think i'm arrogant. Know me, and i'm actually good and nice at heart.
5) People laugh when i tell them i want to be a social worker and that i do volunterring.
6) I get excited and bored over things at a short period of time.
7) I am easily contented at heart.
8) I have the deepest secret where i swear i will never tell anybody
Who to tagged:
Let me think over it first.
1) First impression works best for me. If i am comfortable with you, i will be very sociable. If i don't, pls get the hint.
2) I don't like cleaning my room. But i am totally the opposite at work!
3)I love red,yellow and green.
4) Many think i'm arrogant. Know me, and i'm actually good and nice at heart.
5) People laugh when i tell them i want to be a social worker and that i do volunterring.
6) I get excited and bored over things at a short period of time.
7) I am easily contented at heart.
8) I have the deepest secret where i swear i will never tell anybody
Who to tagged:
Let me think over it first.
13.9.07
The Serenity i've always yearn for.
I was looking forward so much for Ramadan and am still.
I always never manage to complete my Ramadan for the past years mainly because i could'nt help to abstain myself from the hunger pangs.
This time round tho, it feels different. I've made a ramadan resolution that is to complete finishing my puasa, and i felt proud of that one day have past like a breeze. Really, i feel so serene and for once ive never felt happy this much. I was proud, coz altho justone day have past, ive made it without thinking much of the hunger and thirst. And simply after that, i feel like a brand new person.
I cried "Alhamdullilah" the moment the azan commences many atimes. I smiled and suprisingly i felt my heart too smile feeling proud.
God, i never felt nearer to you.
And Ramadan sure made me fall hard for you.
I always never manage to complete my Ramadan for the past years mainly because i could'nt help to abstain myself from the hunger pangs.
This time round tho, it feels different. I've made a ramadan resolution that is to complete finishing my puasa, and i felt proud of that one day have past like a breeze. Really, i feel so serene and for once ive never felt happy this much. I was proud, coz altho justone day have past, ive made it without thinking much of the hunger and thirst. And simply after that, i feel like a brand new person.
I cried "Alhamdullilah" the moment the azan commences many atimes. I smiled and suprisingly i felt my heart too smile feeling proud.
God, i never felt nearer to you.
And Ramadan sure made me fall hard for you.
12.9.07
11.9.07
Honestly, i have no idea of what to update of.
Haha, just now when i was waiting to log in to blogger, i was trying hard to think of what i should update about, and funnily or sadly i say, nuthing. I mean, nuthing fanciful.
Haha, i don't know but i was really trying to crack my head and then i told myself, oh lets just be honest and blog that i have nuthing to blog about!!
HAHAHA. i really sound lame but i just feel the need to update, at least to let those who even cared to read know i'm still alive and kicking.
Maybe i should rant about my personal life. WEll guess what, i still have a crush on him. Yup. Amazingly true. Even when we are not keeping in touch at all. I do think of him and presently at the moment only him i can think of dating with. I don't know why he has such strong bonafide which i am strongly attracted too. Maybe the fact that i have not redirect my attention to somebody else that i am still thinking of him. Ahhh, i am just in a denial. Accept the fact that he's not at all interested in me and the fact that..hmmm i'm not his type.
Oh lately, ive been feeling very sporty. I wanted to do anything with sports. Like tennis. Like water skiing. Like anything under the sun!
Haha, just now when i was waiting to log in to blogger, i was trying hard to think of what i should update about, and funnily or sadly i say, nuthing. I mean, nuthing fanciful.
Haha, i don't know but i was really trying to crack my head and then i told myself, oh lets just be honest and blog that i have nuthing to blog about!!
HAHAHA. i really sound lame but i just feel the need to update, at least to let those who even cared to read know i'm still alive and kicking.
Maybe i should rant about my personal life. WEll guess what, i still have a crush on him. Yup. Amazingly true. Even when we are not keeping in touch at all. I do think of him and presently at the moment only him i can think of dating with. I don't know why he has such strong bonafide which i am strongly attracted too. Maybe the fact that i have not redirect my attention to somebody else that i am still thinking of him. Ahhh, i am just in a denial. Accept the fact that he's not at all interested in me and the fact that..hmmm i'm not his type.
Oh lately, ive been feeling very sporty. I wanted to do anything with sports. Like tennis. Like water skiing. Like anything under the sun!
1.9.07
Holy September
Let's pray that Sept is a month for me.
Forget July.
I'm not gonna hold any grudges.
Love.
26.8.07
Why do all good things come to an end.
I'm a strong believer in karma,
Why you ask me? Because im going thru the phase right now, and believe me it's not a phase where i enjoy it thoroughly at all.
All those bad karma coming slapping amd slamming right thru my fae right after one another. I believe god is just fair. I came up with this theory in order to turn over a new leave, you will go thru painful obstacle. Well in another words, its payback time. You, now become the victim of the bad sins you have done in the past. I say, have a taste of your own medicine.
In all my life, it was not at all a rosy and dainty ever since i was 13. As a teenager i grew up fighthing for my rights. My freedom. I got it all right, but in return i became this nasty person which i later realise made many people despise me which of cause includes my own siblings.
There are of cause alot of factors imput in which i wount go in detail. I became nasty simply not because i wanted too, but circumstances made me too. My father was one of the main reason. Again, i wount go into details.
I was born an intelligent person. But i threw many opportunities away. My life, if only i have straightned it out long ago, i would be in uni instead of struggling, working and studying at the same time out of my own pocket money.
I've stopped playing the blame game. I have only myself to blame.
Dear god,
Right now, what ever obstacle you gave me, i just wish you are right here with me to guide me thru. To give me the will power to go on and face the world optimisticly. I longed to be happy.
It's been such a long time since i have been happy. I know you will give me happiness. Time? Patience is running out.
Why you ask me? Because im going thru the phase right now, and believe me it's not a phase where i enjoy it thoroughly at all.
All those bad karma coming slapping amd slamming right thru my fae right after one another. I believe god is just fair. I came up with this theory in order to turn over a new leave, you will go thru painful obstacle. Well in another words, its payback time. You, now become the victim of the bad sins you have done in the past. I say, have a taste of your own medicine.
In all my life, it was not at all a rosy and dainty ever since i was 13. As a teenager i grew up fighthing for my rights. My freedom. I got it all right, but in return i became this nasty person which i later realise made many people despise me which of cause includes my own siblings.
There are of cause alot of factors imput in which i wount go in detail. I became nasty simply not because i wanted too, but circumstances made me too. My father was one of the main reason. Again, i wount go into details.
I was born an intelligent person. But i threw many opportunities away. My life, if only i have straightned it out long ago, i would be in uni instead of struggling, working and studying at the same time out of my own pocket money.
I've stopped playing the blame game. I have only myself to blame.
Dear god,
Right now, what ever obstacle you gave me, i just wish you are right here with me to guide me thru. To give me the will power to go on and face the world optimisticly. I longed to be happy.
It's been such a long time since i have been happy. I know you will give me happiness. Time? Patience is running out.
25.8.07
I wasnt having any emotional dyfunct when i wrote the last post. It was simply down deep from my heart.
Clear cut, i am utterly dissapointed with my own family. I know back then i did many wrong, many wrong that they simply lost the trust in me, disrespect me especially my siblings. Even then, what happen to clearing grudges? Leaving the past and try to know me as the present? the problem is, no! No matter what i did, im under scrutinity and always judged negatively on every action i give.
I give up. Not giving up on myself, but give up making up to my family. I tried so much to hold back my temper, and when it flares, the only conclusion they jump on? Oh im still that old Nadya.
Stop it! I had enough. I cried to my sleep. I cried when i did my daily jog. I cried to Allah. I wanted to be strong for myself. Be selfish and put up a brave front, then again who am i kidding? I am still alone. I am not happy being so.
I keep to myself, refraining to talking terms to my family. I asked myself is this the last resort. It certainly wasnt but i let myself follow my delusion. At this moment, my heart truly ached especially thinking of my brother.
Damn him. Really damn him. I not gonna stoop low like you. I'm not going to infest my blog with cursing and swearing over the emotional and physical damage you have done to me. Nope, been there done that. I am soo over such actions. I rather keep to myself now, then have big arguments with the family.
Clear cut, i am utterly dissapointed with my own family. I know back then i did many wrong, many wrong that they simply lost the trust in me, disrespect me especially my siblings. Even then, what happen to clearing grudges? Leaving the past and try to know me as the present? the problem is, no! No matter what i did, im under scrutinity and always judged negatively on every action i give.
I give up. Not giving up on myself, but give up making up to my family. I tried so much to hold back my temper, and when it flares, the only conclusion they jump on? Oh im still that old Nadya.
Stop it! I had enough. I cried to my sleep. I cried when i did my daily jog. I cried to Allah. I wanted to be strong for myself. Be selfish and put up a brave front, then again who am i kidding? I am still alone. I am not happy being so.
I keep to myself, refraining to talking terms to my family. I asked myself is this the last resort. It certainly wasnt but i let myself follow my delusion. At this moment, my heart truly ached especially thinking of my brother.
Damn him. Really damn him. I not gonna stoop low like you. I'm not going to infest my blog with cursing and swearing over the emotional and physical damage you have done to me. Nope, been there done that. I am soo over such actions. I rather keep to myself now, then have big arguments with the family.
23.8.07
I am going to stand up head high even you are constantly throwing negative remarks, cursing and swearing at me.
Tears will flow. yes it will. but that is not a sign of my weakness.
I will prove to you that i'm strong to stand up on my two feet,
even when you are telling everybody that i am a loser.
I don't care if you don't give a chance to know me deep down.
That i am a nice person at heart,
tho i don't show much at home.
I simply don't care anymore.
I may not have you, my own flesh and blood as my first support.
But i strongly belief that god is fair.
God,
I put my faith in you.
So brother.
Carry on with what you are doing.
Coz it made me a wiser person, to know how cruel life is.
With absolutely no one to turn to,
even with your own family turn you down.
It's ok.
I will console myself.
"Nadya, i love you.
Love yourself nadya."
=) =) =)
Tears will flow. yes it will. but that is not a sign of my weakness.
I will prove to you that i'm strong to stand up on my two feet,
even when you are telling everybody that i am a loser.
I don't care if you don't give a chance to know me deep down.
That i am a nice person at heart,
tho i don't show much at home.
I simply don't care anymore.
I may not have you, my own flesh and blood as my first support.
But i strongly belief that god is fair.
God,
I put my faith in you.
So brother.
Carry on with what you are doing.
Coz it made me a wiser person, to know how cruel life is.
With absolutely no one to turn to,
even with your own family turn you down.
It's ok.
I will console myself.
"Nadya, i love you.
Love yourself nadya."
=) =) =)
11.8.07
Eh, HI! HELLO, SAWADIKARPPP
I have not been updating much.
Ermm, i dunno what to update, ive lost touch of how to blog.
Wait,
Is there a system or guideline to blog in the first place?
HAH!
OK i seriously don't know what to blog,
I off for my daily jog.
Speaking of which. I have so far succeded in running without taking a break.
HAIL TO ME!
I am dead serious about losing weight. I have not seen any changes. But friends do. HO HO
I am fucking happy lor!
OK BYE!
26.7.07
I can't sleep =,(
Two days ago i was awake at this time because of my cramp. Today? Should i start sighing? Sigh, oh ok, there you go, miss persimmist just sighed.
I was initially sleeping. Then i start having weird dreams about work. I can't remember vaguely now, but i know it's about work. And then i start tossing round because i remembered trying to get rid of the dream. And i clearly failed.
So i opened my eyes slowly. Forcing my brain to function normally before i reach out to look at the clock on my handphone.
I was hoping it was already 5am.
But, no, to my utter suprise.
*squinting eyes in darkness*
12.15am
OH GREAT! JUST FUCKING GREAT!
my dream felt like eternity.
my body ached from the damn dream.( i was willing to admit tho it might secretly be my pillow which is causing the neck ache)
and its just 12am???????
SHOULD I SIGH ANYMORE?
The next thing i know, i switched on the com, and now sitting in front to pass the time till i'm really sleepy. Because i know myself. I can't sleep and wount sleep after waking up. (it takes a long time for me to get sleepy again)
and also, i'm a scarey cat. yes. i hate to pass time on my bed, eyes wide open. tossing and turning trying to sleep, because that's the time scary thoughts will fill me up.
Laugh all you can, but yours truly still believes in supernatural.
Speaking of which, i woke up automatically to get out of the room , because, i don't wish to start imagining a kakak beside me. And trust me about imagining. My eyes will start forming the imaginative kakak i created in my head, and the eye will start playing tricks on me.
Oh, that's the last thing i want to see!
Good thing my brother just reached home now and watching the tv. I feel much better.
Yikes.
I was initially sleeping. Then i start having weird dreams about work. I can't remember vaguely now, but i know it's about work. And then i start tossing round because i remembered trying to get rid of the dream. And i clearly failed.
So i opened my eyes slowly. Forcing my brain to function normally before i reach out to look at the clock on my handphone.
I was hoping it was already 5am.
But, no, to my utter suprise.
*squinting eyes in darkness*
12.15am
OH GREAT! JUST FUCKING GREAT!
my dream felt like eternity.
my body ached from the damn dream.( i was willing to admit tho it might secretly be my pillow which is causing the neck ache)
and its just 12am???????
SHOULD I SIGH ANYMORE?
The next thing i know, i switched on the com, and now sitting in front to pass the time till i'm really sleepy. Because i know myself. I can't sleep and wount sleep after waking up. (it takes a long time for me to get sleepy again)
and also, i'm a scarey cat. yes. i hate to pass time on my bed, eyes wide open. tossing and turning trying to sleep, because that's the time scary thoughts will fill me up.
Laugh all you can, but yours truly still believes in supernatural.
Speaking of which, i woke up automatically to get out of the room , because, i don't wish to start imagining a kakak beside me. And trust me about imagining. My eyes will start forming the imaginative kakak i created in my head, and the eye will start playing tricks on me.
Oh, that's the last thing i want to see!
Good thing my brother just reached home now and watching the tv. I feel much better.
Yikes.
25.7.07
Raw. Just raw
Sometimes i just wish i could work day and night and don't need fret about going home.
Right now, I hate being at home. I use to find going work draggy, but now I FIND GOIN HOME IS MUCH DRAGGIER. Not that i don't want to be at home, but i feel at work now i feel much happier. Put aside the chaos my trainees are giving me, at least they still put a smile on my face at the end of the day. HOME? Urghhh.
I don't even want to talk about it. I know this sounds raw, but i'm just...haiz, not happy at home. Oh this is the 3rd time im repeating it. See, it gets this bad. I thought PMS is over, and this emotional turbulance would too go away, but it has been years i have this thought/feeling in me.
I tried so hard. So hard that i'm emotionally drained out. Sometimes, every night i cry myself to sleep. I think so hard, so hard that my brain is gonna burst any time soon. Is everything my fault? Am i scrutinize for my bad rebellion past? Am i wrong to feel insecure?
Why do you have to keep repeatedly say that i always buruk sangka mama? Why?
Am i wrong to voice out my opinion? Do i have no feelings for telling you what i dislike?
Sigh.
Don't get me wrong.
I love my mama alot.
I wish she knows that.
And i wish she could stop saying all that and just tell me that she will try to understand.
Just try.
That's all i want.
no
I need
Right now, I hate being at home. I use to find going work draggy, but now I FIND GOIN HOME IS MUCH DRAGGIER. Not that i don't want to be at home, but i feel at work now i feel much happier. Put aside the chaos my trainees are giving me, at least they still put a smile on my face at the end of the day. HOME? Urghhh.
I don't even want to talk about it. I know this sounds raw, but i'm just...haiz, not happy at home. Oh this is the 3rd time im repeating it. See, it gets this bad. I thought PMS is over, and this emotional turbulance would too go away, but it has been years i have this thought/feeling in me.
I tried so hard. So hard that i'm emotionally drained out. Sometimes, every night i cry myself to sleep. I think so hard, so hard that my brain is gonna burst any time soon. Is everything my fault? Am i scrutinize for my bad rebellion past? Am i wrong to feel insecure?
Why do you have to keep repeatedly say that i always buruk sangka mama? Why?
Am i wrong to voice out my opinion? Do i have no feelings for telling you what i dislike?
Sigh.
Don't get me wrong.
I love my mama alot.
I wish she knows that.
And i wish she could stop saying all that and just tell me that she will try to understand.
Just try.
That's all i want.
no
I need
23.7.07
12am in the morning
And i am yet in my bed, sleeping, rejuvenating for a long day tomorrow.
Instead i am hogging in front of the computer, trying to pen down all the ramdom thoughts i have in my head.
And silently hoping that my PMS cramp would affect me at work tomorrow.
Well truth is, I slept from 4 pm in the afternoon just now and woke up just after 10 because of the damn cramp. I forced myself to sleep so i wount think and feel so much of the cramp. And truth is, i'm surfing now is not because i can't sleep but not to focus much yet again on the damn cramp. Its really getting on my nerves.
Oh, i fought with the mother just now. All because of my money. I woke up, went out of the room, still groggy. And my mum nochalantly telling me, I have left only this much with her. I practically blew my top simply because i suppose to have $50 bucks more. I was fuming because she insisted i took $70 instead of $20. But what the hell would i need so much money?? All pin point down that fact that my wallet was with my friend.
If only my wallet was with me it' wount have happen
If only i don't need to go yest, i don't need to use the money.
If only'ss.
I wount be fuming and thus the quarrall.
I can't hold back the tears. I was on the top of my voice and so is my mum.
Would like to blame the PMS, but im sick of the blaming game.
Now that i have simmer down,
I wish i could have just slept all thru the day.
And handle the shit in the morn.
But then again,
Knowing myself, it would have practically ruin my day.
I want to hate my life at this moment. But i think it's simply inappropriate just because of this.
I'm suppose to love myself.
Oh yes. I gettit
Instead i am hogging in front of the computer, trying to pen down all the ramdom thoughts i have in my head.
And silently hoping that my PMS cramp would affect me at work tomorrow.
Well truth is, I slept from 4 pm in the afternoon just now and woke up just after 10 because of the damn cramp. I forced myself to sleep so i wount think and feel so much of the cramp. And truth is, i'm surfing now is not because i can't sleep but not to focus much yet again on the damn cramp. Its really getting on my nerves.
Oh, i fought with the mother just now. All because of my money. I woke up, went out of the room, still groggy. And my mum nochalantly telling me, I have left only this much with her. I practically blew my top simply because i suppose to have $50 bucks more. I was fuming because she insisted i took $70 instead of $20. But what the hell would i need so much money?? All pin point down that fact that my wallet was with my friend.
If only my wallet was with me it' wount have happen
If only i don't need to go yest, i don't need to use the money.
If only'ss.
I wount be fuming and thus the quarrall.
I can't hold back the tears. I was on the top of my voice and so is my mum.
Would like to blame the PMS, but im sick of the blaming game.
Now that i have simmer down,
I wish i could have just slept all thru the day.
And handle the shit in the morn.
But then again,
Knowing myself, it would have practically ruin my day.
I want to hate my life at this moment. But i think it's simply inappropriate just because of this.
I'm suppose to love myself.
Oh yes. I gettit
21.7.07
18.7.07
Funny how i miss many people in my life,
Yet i feel un bothered to make a point to call, sms, or even msn-ing.
Maybe its my work.
Maybe its an excuse. But really, im super busy with my trainees, and after work, i need to catch up doing admin work. And by the time i reach home, i go straight to bed and sleep (YES, its that bad!!)
Anyway, pls do pray for my mum.
She's such a strong women, and i, for all, could never take her place.
13.7.07
Dear god,
I know i have not been a pious one to you.
But please,
I beg of you.
Give me the strenght to pull me thru.
I know there's a blessing in disguise.
You want me to be stronger in any perspective.
Please,
I beg of you.
Let my mum go thru her obstacle smoothly.
Please take care of my mum
Which i know you will
Thankyou Ya ALLAH
I know i have not been a pious one to you.
But please,
I beg of you.
Give me the strenght to pull me thru.
I know there's a blessing in disguise.
You want me to be stronger in any perspective.
Please,
I beg of you.
Let my mum go thru her obstacle smoothly.
Please take care of my mum
Which i know you will
Thankyou Ya ALLAH
8.7.07
My Sincere(s) Apology(ies)
I know
I lack of update.
Excuse it may be..
But ive started my OJT, and hell sure it take the hell out of me.
Anyweek, the weekend has been busy for me.
I will prolly update
ONCE ive UPLOADED the pictures.
And just for the record,
I'm a no-lifer at the moment.
Even my friends have been complaining of the M-I-A
aku tak mia lah!
=) =)
P/s: anybody to watch transformer with me? hur hur
I lack of update.
Excuse it may be..
But ive started my OJT, and hell sure it take the hell out of me.
Anyweek, the weekend has been busy for me.
I will prolly update
ONCE ive UPLOADED the pictures.
And just for the record,
I'm a no-lifer at the moment.
Even my friends have been complaining of the M-I-A
aku tak mia lah!
=) =)
P/s: anybody to watch transformer with me? hur hur
26.6.07
24.6.07
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